A Crisis of Ability

October started out of the gates with a frenzy (if you pardon the racing terminology). Michael drove us to Canberra for their large family get together (about 30 of us, all immediate family) to celebrate their parents 50th wedding anniversary. Whilst I’ve been married, I consider that an anomaly as I do not believe in marriage. However, to see two people working hard to stay together for so long and genuinely love each other after such a large amount of time does impress me. I realised something a few months ago about my identity – I am likely greyromantic, which means I am not inherently romantic all of the time. I have yet to determine whether that is part of my autism, or a personality trait. Heaven help Michael!

October 5th, we ventured to Floriade, Canberra’s free open flower festival. Here in Naarm you would have to pay for such a privilege, so it’s always a busy festival for Canberra which of course leads to sensorial overload. Cocktails were called for whilst we waited for the rest of the family to explore the grounds, go on rides, and generally enjoy the atmosphere. I am getting better at wearing my Loops in public to help with the overload, but I forgot them on this day.

Flowers at Floriade. Image by Teague Leigh.

The following day, on the 6th, we walked around Black Mountain where the wildflowers were abundant and Michael’s mother, who is a keen flower spotter, saw several orchids.

Wild orchid at Black Mountain. Image by Teague Leigh.

Then we visited the abandoned Telstra Tower. Having spent a sporadic 15yrs of my life in Canberra, I remember the tower in its heyday when it was a tourist destination, now it is rundown and a tourist attraction of the notorious kind. It’s fenced off but not really patrolled, so you can walk up to it and take photos. I was disappointed to see it in its state of decay – I had talked it up to the family – though it does make for moody images. I have a mind to edit my images into black and white, to give them a moodier tone.

Telstra Tower. Image by Teague Leigh.

Back in Naarm I worked for the Victorian Pride Centre again, this time for their TiPS program, only to be told they were going in a different direction due to a “miscommunication” in what they were after with the images. This was devastating and a crisis of faith in myself ensued.

TiPS participants. Image by Teague Leigh.

I’m still not sure of my expertise, despite working at the Centre before for different clients and having my work loved. This was the first time a client had not liked my wares, and I was shook for a number of weeks as a consequence. Thanks to my mentor, award-winning Luke David (who has also photographed for the Centre), I was able to overcome my dark thoughts eventually. It has left me changing the way I accept clients forthwith, however, making sure the client knows what they want from me in the brief prior to accepting a contract, as well as making sure they know my style of work, so I am not negotiating terms and explaining photography concepts during. I am also going to stand up for myself more fervently from now on.

On the 13th I took on another indoor client, whilst still having a crisis of conscience. “Baliti” was performed by the exceptional dancer, Ricardo Magno, who I had photographed the previous month for the hero image of the performance as part of the Melbourne Fringe Festival. Fortunately, this client liked my work.

Ricardo Magno in “Baliti”. Image by Teague Leigh

Then on the 27th I tagged along with Michael to Queenscliff for a writer’s festival they were appearing on a panel at. Whilst they were on the panel, I walked around the gorgeous town of Queenscliff and took shots of architecture and nature – my happy place. I know that nature is my balm, but it always surprises me just how much I get out of it, how much nature provides me. It charges my batteries exponentially and a lot of the suffering I am going through seems to evaporate.

Queenscliff pier. Image by Teague Leigh.

On the second last day of the month, I went with my support worker (my only trip with him this month) to Leanganook Camping area to walk around the breathtaking Mount Alexander Regional Park. It is a bush flower paradise. Walking around the scrub, we also detoured to Dog Rocks, Faraday, which were incredibly large boulders towering on top of each other on top of a mountain. I love me some rocks and the views were also outstanding. Again, walking around in the scrub for 2.5hrs, was a city detox and washed me of any lingering doubts about my abilities and cleansed me of the sights and sounds associated with city living.

Dog Rocks. Image by Teague Leigh.

For sunset we were going to walk up to Lang’s Lookout but weren’t really sure of how to get there once we were in the area and thus stumbled upon an old, abandoned quarry as the sun was setting across the pit.

Abandoned quarry. Image by Teague Leigh.

So, October was a tough one, but here I am, a survivor.

Remember to tell your friends to donate over on my Ko-Fi page so they too can follow along for behind the scenes and dedicated content.

October question: What have you survived? Was it depression? A poisoned working environment? An abusive partner? Bad news?

Be kind to yourselves, each other, and the planet.

T.Leigh

Busy Does Not Make The Body Stronger

At last chat with my GP, we discussed me possibly having Restless Leg Syndrome brought on by the trauma of suddenly losing my ma. However, I am due for another appointment on Monday as something turned up in my bloods. I am hoping this will bring relief to the chronic pain I've been suffering for the past two months.

Despite the trauma and the grief and the pain I have been busy, as is my subconscious want.

Firstly, in the month of September, I participated in my first overnight trip with Out Doors Inc. We travelled to Lake Eppelock, where we canoed to an island, made a collective lunch, then paddled around the lake before heading to our accommodation in Axedale.

Lake Eppalock. Image by Teague Leigh.

The next day we journeyed to the Pink Cliffs, which are quite otherworldly, then went for a longer-than-expected hike to Devil's Cave (which was underwhelming, but the hike was great)!

The Pink Ciffs. Image by Teague Leigh.

I'm liking the Out Doors Inc adventures - it's getting me out of the house into nature, I get to bring my camera, and there is a lot of group activity so I'm working on my social skills (the bane of my life).

Straight away after that I journeyed to Benalla and Winton Wetlands and for once, the Wetlands lived up to their name with plentiful water for the first time I've ever seen in the 5 or so years I've been going.

Cat Graf by David Lee Pereira. Image by Teague Leigh.

Winton Wetlands. Image by Teague Leigh.

Mid-month Michael and I went to Tassie for their work, and I like to tac on a few extra days for photography.

Launceston architecture. Image by Teague Leigh.

We saw many a sight, but the weather this trip did not want to play nice with us. At the Tamar Wetlands, however, we did see a sea eagle, which was a first for me. We also drove past a magnificently large wedge-tailed eagle eating a carcass on the side of the road (not pictured).

Tamar Islands Wetlands. Image by Teague Leigh.

Fortunately, though we'd missed the epic floods that shut much of the island down for a couple of weeks.

This is not Eddystone Lighthouse, but on location. Image by Teague Leigh.

I finally got to photograph some of Binalong Bay, but the weather really didn't want to play nice which meant we witnessed a rainbow underneath a fiery sky. So, it wasn’t all bad.

Binalong Bay. Image by Teague Leigh.

We also managed to get briefly to Freycinet National Park, where we actually had nice weather for once.

The Gardens. Image by Teague Leigh.

The highlight of the trip for me was a soggy detour to little known Mount Paris Dam Wall. A disused dam that is truly an architectural masterpiece being taken back by nature.

Mount Paris Damn Wall. Image by Teague Leigh.

Towards the end of the month now, and I had the pleasure of photographing Ricardo Magno under a beautiful Moreton Bay Fig at Albert Park Lake. Ricardo is a beautiful dancer of Filipino heritage and engaged me to create the hero image for his Melbourne Fringe Show "Baliti", and take some social media content for him. This was the first time I had taken portraiture for pay, and I am so fortunate Ricardo allowed me to take these unconventional images.

Ricardo Magno. Image by Teague Leigh.

The rest of the month was filled with friend catch-ups, cancelled appointments due to pain, and lots of Arts Access Victoria curatorial work (which is coming along nicely). I know it is an October event, but please get along to it if you can. I am so incredibly proud of and excited for the 18-25yr old's who are in this exhibition. They are sharing very personal insights into their disabilities through the theme of "Through Space and Time".

My question to you this month is: Do you switch off at all? If not, why not? What, or who, is stopping you?

Be kind to yourselves, each other, and the planet.

T.Leigh.

Grief is still a constant friend, but life grinds on.

There was no blog last month due to the sudden unexpected passing of my ma. My ma was my best friend, and I shared everything with her, so now to be going on adventures, stretching myself as a human being, and going through so many things, it is hard not to want to share them with her at every opportunity. There is a large gap in my life now that nothing will be able to replace (and believe me – alcohol isn’t a solution).

August has been another tough month of grief looming large in my system. I developed restless leg syndrome (RLS). Previously, my fidgeting has been contained to my fingers, having fidgety legs is another level of hell they do not tell you about. I get the zoomies (an uncontrollable need to move around sporadically). Luckily my desk is a standing desk, and I can crank my music up and dance whilst I work. The night-time pain though is another matter. My GP has prescribed me drugs to combat the RLS pain when I need it, which is actually helping.

Hopefully my brain will slow soon, and I can establish a new normal. A dear friend told me not to pursue my old baseline, that was forever lost to me through the grief of losing a beloved mother. This has helped me be gentle to myself in my recovery and I’ve allowed myself to sit in the pain longer than I would have otherwise. Oft times people think that autistic people are emotionless or blocked off to emotion. Neither is true.

My motivation has fluctuated, hence this post being late, but that is not to say that I have not done any photography. My work with Arts Access Victoria (AAV) has continued but for a couple of weeks my heart was not in it, and my nature adventures were initially not the balm I was searching for, which left me flailing with despondency. However, I have found the pleasure in nature once more and hopefully this shines through in the images I have for you today.

I could post about July now, however, for the sake of expediency, I am only giving you the month of August. Posting about July gives me sorrow I am still at odds with, so shall shelve that month. Even now, writing about August feels pointless, but I love you, so I want to share with you.

So, August: I finally bought filters for my new wide angle lens so that I can take long exposures with it now. My first trip with my support worker was to Lake Elizabeth, in the Otways NP. The walk from the campground took me longer to walk than expected so we just settled near the lake and hoped for platypus sightings (we were unsuccessful).

Lake Elizabeth. Image by Teague Leigh

Then Michael & I took off to Portarlington on a creative work trip. There I photographed sunset at the famous old jetty grommets at Clifton Springs.

Clifton Springs old jetty. Image by Teague Leigh.

 Then backed it up for sunrise at Point Lonsdale Lighthouse and jetty. Neither shoots really popped, but as a photographer of nature, I’m used to working with the elements.

Point Lonsdale Lighthouse. Image by Teague Leigh.

 I have registered with disability adventure group Out Doors Inc, an organisation that helps adults get out into nature, and August was my first day trip to Mount Macedon & Lake Sanitorium (where I have been a couple of times before). It was a great day, cooking stew on the campfire and getting to know everyone whilst also fitting in a short walk around the lake. This sort of social interaction is mentally exhausting, but it is exactly what I am looking for to help me grow my social circle, and how better to do it than surrounded by nature?

Mount Macedon. Image by Teague Leigh.

 Next up, my support worker and I travelled to Dog Rocks, in Batesford. This was a first for my support worker, but it was my second time. Again, the sunset didn’t really pop, but the rocks themselves (and that tree), hold magic.

Dog Rocks. Image by Teague Leigh.

 On August 26th I popped into my local tattoo parlour, which my dear friend, Lee Stain, owns and they gave me a memorial tattoo. The saying is Irish Gaelic, meaning “My Family Forever”. It mirrors the one my mother had on her arm. The flower is a carnation - my ma’s favourite flower, despite it being so overlooked, and the Triskele represents, amongst many other things, The Mother – a deeply Pagan symbol. As you can see, Lee did an absolute perfect job of such a meaningful piece of art. I highly recommend them at Inktricate, on Lygon Street, in Brunswick East for all your inking needs – they are also a lovely soul and phenomenal artist (painting and drawing).

Image by Teague Leigh.

 That’s it for now, but September is jam-packed (already), so keep coming back to read what is going on in my world and please continue to tell people about my work. Through word of mouth and community support I have bought all but one lens I need to further my career; without your help I would not have been able to purchase these tools.

Be kind to yourselves, each other, and the planet.

T.Leigh.

Relatively subdued, but not by choice

June was relatively subdued, but not by choice. My support worker had poor health and then so did his car, meaning it will need to be sold to a wreckers or the like, so travelling was waylaid.

However, I did get to spend a week on Gadigal Country for the Vivid Festival.

Firstly was the sensational Dark Spectrum. After attending the best concert of my life by electronic dance music duo Underworld (most known with their hit Born Slippy in the film "Trainspotting"), this was a glorious continuation of lights and beats.

One of the rooms of Dark Spectrum in the underground tunnels of Wynyard. Image by Teague Leigh

Then walked around and photographed an amazing sunset from near Mrs Macquarie's Chair and played with long exposures of up to 10 minutes. The point gives a great view of both the Harbour Bridge and the Opera House and during Vivid Festival, once Mother Nature’s lights go off, the Festival lights turn on.

Vivid Festival light trails as seen from Mrs Macquarie's Chair, Gadigal. Image by Teague Leigh.

Then I walked to The Rocks and photographed the Vivid installations.

Vivid Festival light installation. Image by Teague Leigh.

All up I did a staggering 21kms of walking. Needless to say, after hardcore EDM dancing for 3 hours (a transcendental experience) the night before, I broke. I crashed into bed and couldn't move for 12 hours, not even for the bathroom! I had to miss my intended concert (Electric Fields at Carriageworks) the following night to let my body gather spoons. Even ten years after my diagnosis of acquired disabilities, I am still learning how many spoons each action will remove from my wares. This calculation is not linear either. Variables, such as the type of crowd (rowdy hooligans, verses appreciative guests, etc), the weather, what I have done prior, and so much more, all factor into the loss of spoons. I’m still forgetting that I cannot do all of the things. Now, however, I am being kind to myself when I make these errors in judgments and try to rest as soon as I’ve realised where my levels of pain and fatigue are at.

Eventually, on the 3rd of June, I was able to leave my hotel room again to ferry over to Cremorne Point to photograph Robertsons Point Lighthouse (which I think is underrated as far as engineering structures go), before photographing a lack-lustre sunset, but still loving the city lights across the water.

Gadigal Country. Image by Teague Leigh.

I was able to do a "mild" walk of 11kms whilst photographing more Vivid installations such as the below at The Goods Line, after I had walked around Barangaroo, Darling Harbour, and Tumbalong Park.

Fire Kitchen at The Goods Line. Image by Teague Leigh

Back in Naarm I didn't get out on an adventure until the 12th June, where we went to Bellbird Picnic Area and walked the Flying Fox Trail. Since it was winter, we weren't expecting to see many, however, the sight of so many astounded us and can only boggle at how many we would see during the September birthing season.

Flying Foxes, Naarm. Image by Teague Leigh

It was a quick 2hr walk as I had to get back for Michael's new anthology launch for Avast! (pirate stories by trans and gender diverse authors). However, we did make it to the Fairfield Pipe Bridge and Wurundjeri Spur Lookout.

June wasn't boring, by any means. My big news that I hinted at last blog was me securing a job with Arts Access Victoria as their youth program, Maker Space, exhibition curator! I will be guiding the youths (18-25 yrs old - at my age I'm calling them youths) towards a group exhibition on the 31st October at Library at the Docks, which is monumental and a great privilege.

Plus my old mentor, award-winning photographer Luke David, keeps sending work my way. I managed to photograph Switchboard's launch with Yarra Trams on the 25th June, where they celebrated with Drag Storytime with Frock Hudson, it was glorious.

Frock Hudson onboard a Yarra Tram. Image by Teague Leigh.

 The lack of adventure meant I could edit these camera images, but even though I cleaned my wide angle lens every time I used it, it was still a chore post-edit! Seems I still need to figure out how to get the most out of the new lens. Professional photographers do not always get it right, so do not be so hard on yourself when you are just starting out. Welp, sometimes I even leave the lens caps on!

So many dust spots. (Mobile phone image by Teague Leigh).

There ended the adventures, due to the aforementioned troubles, but let me tell you, July is much busier, so keep coming back and tell all your friends to come check out what I’m about. I'm still saving for lenses and a filter system for my wide angle lens, so even $5 a month is going to help me achieve my goals of capturing Country and gift the healing power of nature.

Question for this blog: Have you calculated what it takes to deplete all your spoons?

Be kind to yourselves, each other, and the planet.

T.Leigh.

Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff

The start of this month I started off concentrating on editing the backlog (which I am now stressing less about in order to focus on my health, which means all of these images are again from my phone) and hanging with friends. The first photography trip wasn’t until the 10th of April, which was to watch Puffing Billy (the old steam train that winds its way through the forested mountains of the region) pull into Belgrave station. This required all my patience as a multitude of passengers poured from the locomotive to walk or stand directly in front of me as I was taking photos.

After this shamble (I was also disappointed that it wasn’t billowing steam as it came into the station, the way it does along some parts of the track), my support worker and I drove to Sherbrooke Forest. This was a lesson for my support worker who had been telling me the fortnight earlier his hate for leeches. During one segment of this 2.5hr walk he was inundated with well over a dozen baby leeches whilst I remained unscathed. We now pack salt on our adventures! For some reason I was placed in charge of the map and being extremely Irish when it comes to directions, we ended up getting lost and tacking on an extra hour to our walk. However, it wasn’t a complete failure of a trip.

Sherbrooke is a gorgeous pocket of Victoria, only 90mins from Naarm. Sherbrooke Falls themselves are nothing to write home about, but the river walk is exquisite. We also had the added bonus of seeing a very angry crayfish – a Eustacus Woiwurru (Central Highland Spiny Crayfish). These unique and very aggressive crays make their burrows in the ground and can be found near freshwater. In Victoria they are becoming harder to find, so I registered the sighting on the iNaturalist app – which I highly recommend as it is a powerful tool in the fight for conservation. It’s cousin up in Queensland is on the endangered list.

The menacing Eustacus Woiwurru (a screenshot from my laptop)

With no rest for the wicked, Michael and I flew to Lutruwita on Friday and spent Saturday driving from Longford (near Launceston) to Somerset (near Burnie). Saturday we went chasing waterfalls: Liffey Falls, Upper Preston Falls, and Delaney’s Falls. Between Liffey and Preston, we took the time to walk to Tulampanga Lookout and I am so glad we did. I now urge everyone to visit this lookout to give perspective over how insignificant humans actually are in the grand scheme of things. You can feel the ancient call of these cliffs, the area being a sacred women’s space for the local First Nations people – the Pallittorree.

The inspiring view from Tulampanga Lookout (mobile phone image by T.Leigh)

Whilst I did not get attacked by leeches when out with my support worker on the Wednesday, I did find one on me after Upper Preston Falls but because I had learnt from my support workers experience, I deliberately wore knee high white socks on the trek. I know white socks are the last colour you want to be wearing whilst getting dirty, but I was able to see the black leech immediately and flick it off me with a nearby twig. Win!

Sunday was an early start at Fern Glade Platypus Reserve. This is a nice, easy walk and we had the place to ourselves until we were about to finish up our breakfast at a picnic table near the river. We had not seen any platypus whilst walking, but as we were finishing up breakfast, I noticed two women concentrating on the water down by the river’s edge, so I tiptoed across the gravel path to stand at the viewing platform nearby and lo’ – there was indeed a real wild platypus swimming and diving for an early breakfast itself – my first time seeing a platypus in the wild! Such a phenomenal way to start the day.

Next, we drove to Upper Cam Falls. Reviews on Google Maps are mixed about the difficulty of finding the falls. Let me tell you – it is very, very easy to find. Whilst it is not signposted, and there is only a goat track down to the falls, it is a very simple five minute walk (although I do not think I would like to do it in the wet). The effort is worth it. These falls, this little pocket of nature, is magical. It feels like the best kept secret – so pristine and perfect. I could have literally stayed there for hours; however, I was wary of leeches so didn’t sit on any damp logs, plus we had a schedule to keep.

The mystical Upper Cam Falls (mobile phone image by T.Leigh)

Our next stop was Hellyer Gorge. It is a little walk near a river that is pretty with plenty of different types of fungi and mushrooms (that I like to think are faerie houses/villages, so I do not approve of foraging – plus Irish tales of p!ssed off faeries are scary – you do not want to anger a faerie!). This is a nice area, but I would not go out of my way to see it.

For sunset, after lunch and a nap, we headed to Tioxide Beach. It wasn’t what I was expecting (which were rockpools that I wanted for foreground material with the golden hour colours in the background), it was an adventure with driftwood and dead cut logs everywhere. Tioxide Beach is near Burnie, which is proud about its ongoing commercial logging industry, so I’m not sure how many of these logs have fallen off of the back of trucks, or how many of them have washed up from other areas. The deadwood is interesting to photograph, but as a Pagan, it hurts to see the felling of so many trees and the wastage of the industry.

Tioxide Beach at the end of the day (mobile phone image by T.Leigh)

Monday is a workday, so it was lots of driving to shops on the way to Nipaluna. Whilst Michael was at their appointment in Pataway/Burnie I headed to the beach and some rocks leading into the water. Such a fun time, especially getting the camera ready and chasing after birds so they would lift off en-masse. Then we had some time before the Launceston appointment, on the lands of the Kanamaluka People, so we spent a couple of hours around dozens of juvenile peacocks strutting about Cataract Gorge. Even for a Monday, this area was teeming with people. I would like to spend a day here doing all of the walks, but we just walked across the Alexandra Suspension Bridge and back and then around the Basin.

I truly loved this area, and we will definitely spend more time here in the future, however, with the mountains and trees everywhere juxtaposed with the large area of manicured park grass and Olympic sized swimming pool, it made me think about what we do to the land for the sake of commercial tourism. Surely this area speaks for itself and doesn’t need the gaudiness of these two colonist structures to bring people here (& I’m deliberately ignoring the horrendous chair lift).

Alexandra Suspension Bridge at Cataract Gorge (mobile phone image by T.Leigh)

Tuesday morning, whilst Michael was in appointments, I photographed around Salamanca and up to Battery Point (where I had never explored before). I also did a spot of street photography, which is not my natural go to, so I really admire professional street photographers and their craft.

Hobarts street art (mobile phone image by T.Leigh)

Due to circumstances, that was the last photography adventure for the month. However, I did train up to Ballarat for an afternoon to check out the sublime Nan Goldin exhibition. Previously stating I admire street photographers; I also greatly admire those who can capture humans. Nan Goldin is an absolute ace at this genre of photography. Having recently seen her documentary “All the Beauty and the Bloodshed”, I was looking forward to seeing this exhibition and the level of talent is exceptional. Fortunately, the National Gallery of Australia has purchased the entire exhibition, so hopefully generations of Australians can experience this significant work for decades to come.

Now that I am no longer stressed about getting all of my editing done immediately and the flow-on effect of that decision, I am not nearly as stressed as I have been getting. I have been putting a lot more time into positive energy and it feels like that is paying off, to the point that I may have exciting news for you in my next blog post (watch this space - subscribe to email/rss notifications).

Be kind to yourselves, each other, and the planet.

T.Leigh

A quarter of the way

The first quarter of 2024 has been and gone – can you believe it! My apologies for the silence, I took some time off after working as a contracted event photographer for Midsumma Festival and have found it difficult to establish a routine. Which isn’t to say I have been sleeping this whole time – I wish!

First up, with the money my Ko-fi fans have graciously donated my way, along with my savings and the first half of my Midsumma payment I was able to buy my new waterproof full frame camera body – the Nikon D850. The D850 has been a blessing - allowing me to push my old lenses at low light events, and photograph beautifully crisp and colourful landscapes.

I ended up photographing seven extraordinary events (including Carnival, Pride March, and Victoria’s Pride) on behalf of Midsumma. “Animalising” is one of the events I photographed that has altered me forever – to the point where I am now trying to formulate the basis of a grant to allow me to photograph the official Bull Trance Festival in Batu City, Indonesia, which the director of “Animalising”, Taka Takiguchi told me about. The trance master of “Animalising”, Master Agus runs the festival, and I would love to explore the connection and importance of trance and nature within the local indigenous communities who have re-embraced this tradition.

The dancers of “Animalising” in rehearsal, by Teague Leigh

What have I been up to since the end of Midsumma Festival? Well, here’s the brief rundown of the photography and art adventures I have been on in date order:

Based on my time with Midsumma this year and what I saw and overheard during and then read and discussed afterwards, I wrote an open letter to the board asking for all members to step down as a vote of no confidence after the violence that was enacted at Pride March. The LGBTQIA+SB community deserve better than to kowtow to police and political parties and I firmly believe there is no place for uniformed police officers to march in any Pride around the world, particularly whilst we are still being abused by these institutions without recourse.

Midsumma Festival Pride March, by Teague Leigh

March was jam-packed and an indication that whilst I have not found routine yet, I am back to busy:

The first photography adventure with my support worker was to Noojee & Gentle Annie;

Then we took a few friends to Daylesford for the weekend for ChillOut Festival where I did bring my camera, but only took a few images at both the Pride Parade and the Carnival. I didn't end up with too many shots as my very old long lens is starting to melt on hot days (it was 38 degrees Celsius - in March! - hello global warming) and not focus automatically;

Cape Schanck mid-month was outstanding. It has long been on my bucket list to photograph and the ferociousness of it did not disappoint. I only managed to stack and land in the water once (within the first 30mins - but I got the shot!) and the tide, whilst going out, was still quite high by sunset (1.3m), so we didn't make it all the way around to the rock pools where I would have loved to have shot from, so I will definitely come back again;

Thanks to your ongoing commitment to my craft and the beauty I am trying to share with the world, and my final payment from Midsumma, I bought my new weatherproof wide-angle lens to replace the limited non-weatherproof wide-angle crop-sensor lens. She's a heavy-duty workhorse, though I must admit I am still getting used to her personality.

For instance, my previous Nikkor 12-24mm wide-angle lens was not fish-eyed, meaning the front of the glass was not rounded outwards. This new Nikkor 14-24 however, is fish eyed. It does not affect horizon/straight lines at all, but what I have discovered is that I need to clean the lens all the time. My workload has been bogged down trying to remove dust spots! I did some Milky Way photography with it which I am not looking forward to editing. There’s a tip for every photographer – know your equipment and make sure it is always clean before every use.

Michael & I went to Sea Lake for a weekend. Nearby Lake Tyrell (Direl) was another longstanding bucket list location, so it was fitting we spent our 5yr anniversary celebrating "walking on water" out on the pink salt crystals of the lake;

Lake Tyrell (Direl), Victoria, by Teague Leigh

During this trip we visited many places along the Silo Art trail and various other places across the Mallee region. I give thanks to the Latji Latji & Ngintait, as well as the Ngai Awang, Ngawait, Nganguruku, Erawirung, Ngaralte, and Ngarkat people as the original custodians.

Did you know that Wergaia is the word for Mallee and refers to the Eucalypts that grow with thick multi-stemmed roots under the ground that collect water? Local lore in the region is fabulous and I urge you to read up on it.

Penultimately, I took myself to Bendigo for two nights, sans camera, as a bit of a cleanser for the months of hard work prior;

Lastly, my support worker and I drove to Marysville to hike Steavenson and Keppel Falls. When I planned that trip Steavenson Falls was the main objective and I had also scheduled sunset in the region, however, once we saw Keppel Falls, I ditched sunset (even though conditions were promising for a gorgeous colour) and truly communed with the magic that is this region.

On the way out of Keppel falls, just after sunset, a tire shredded on the gravel road, and we were stranded for 2hrs as my support worker struggled to swap tyres. Perhaps this was the spirit of the Taungurung people, willing us to slow down and embrace the rivers and mountains of the region?

Despite the difficulty, we persevered in the dark with relatively cool heads, so I’m jubilant knowing that we can triumph over adversity together.

Triumph over adversity. Mobile phone image by Teague Leigh

Going forward, my plan is to continue blogging monthly about the previous month and share tips and tricks that I have learnt as a disabled queer trans artist. I will also start providing more information about the lands on which I visit so that you can get a feel for Country no matter where in the world you are.

I have some amazing news about the upcoming months, but you'll have to keep engaging with my blog posts to hear all about it. As always, I thank you for your support. Together we shall share the magic that is nature in an effort to save it.

This month’s blog question: How many dust spots are too many?

Together we are stronger.
Be kind to yourselves, each other, and the planet.

T.Leigh.

A Gala: the Goddess Keeps Me Humble

The Summer months, January in particular, is always a busy time filled with travel to see family (this year we drove to Yass to spend time with my sister and her three children for Christmas), and photography gigs and adventures.

Lake Hume, Victoria, by Teague Leigh

Despite also having a Gala to arrange (more about that in a minute), there was a lot of everything else going on, starting with a trip to Dinner Plain in the High Country of the lands of the Gunaikurnai, Dhudoroa, and Jaitmathang peoples.

As was the case for December, I have put the editing of that trip aside, but do have exclusive images, just for my supporters. They were taken with my phone, so don't show the whole grandeur of the region, but I hope they get you excited enough about Country!

Dead Timber Hill, Victoria, by Teague Leigh

Mount Hotham Summit, Victoria, by Teague Leigh

Omeo, Victoria, by Teague Leigh

The sunrise shoot at Pioneer Lookout, Omeo was initially a bust because I didn't listen to my instincts and I had placed so much pressure on myself to capture meaningful images of Country as part of my push to save it, that I was a grumpy douche! Fortunately, I got over it in time to take great photos in Omeo.

Whilst away for the seven days, I worked my patootie off on the Gala. Promoting the event, including all my talented performers. I was on the wireless! Joy 94.9 had me on as their first guest of 2024 - so honoured! You can listen to the segment here.

In one day, I had 17 items on my to-do list in my schedule; and I completed them all! Including the audio descriptions for all my artwork.

I've been running ragged, often sick, Midsumma Festival Carnival kicked off on the 21st and as an official event photographer it was a long day.

Me, by Suzanne Balding

Miss Moneesha at Midsumma Carnival, by Teague Leigh

A party-goer at Midsumma Carnival, by Teague Leigh

The Gala on the 25th January was a successful hoot and the amazing Tom Noble (@NobleTomNoble), whom you can hire, has already sent me his first pics - I've included a sample below, more will go up on my website eventually (check my website regularly for the link) and on Instagram (@tlwvision). The stunning portrait of me was also taken by Tom.

Rosie Roulette at The Reclamation of Terra Gala Exhibition Opening, by Tom Noble

Yin Paradies at The Reclamation of Terra Gala Exhibition Opening, by Tom Noble

I am exhausted, and with no help from the gallery who refused to answer many of my questions then act like I was the inconvenience to the point that I am questioning if they’re just a bunch of allists and ableists, I am so incredibly proud of what I pulled off with the Gala opening and the exhibition itself. It is always stressful sharing a piece of your soul with the world - what if they hate it or at least don't empathise with what you're trying to do?

I am particularly proud of the additional canvas I decided to do at the end of the 17 months after visiting many art galleries with so many textures that I could not touch - I would walk away overstimulated from the effort! So, I decided to create a canvas that people could touch - run their fingers over the textured paint and "Feel Country". Tom has captured that well in his image of Yin Paradies above.

Every single performer was sensational, and the gathered crowd enjoyed it. Bayley Turner spoke beautiful poetry; Dean Arcuri belted out an Abba medley; Wakaya man, Yin Paradies gave a speech that made me so emotional and proud that I am going to put it up on my website; Saskia hula hooped the roof down; and Rosie Roulette sang a pitch-perfect rendition of Kate Miller-Heidke's "Gravity"; and our MC Goddess Naavikaran was witty and performed a beautiful song in her mother-tongue of India. If you weren't there, you missed out!

As I think I mentioned last month, 5% of every sale from The Reclamation of Terra between now and the 5th of Feb will be donated to Environment Victoria, a grassroots community organisation who works tirelessly on a local, state, and Federal level to reverse climate devastation and our current negative impact on the planet.

Before I go for the month, I managed to shoot Jessie's Ngaio's original one human play "Oh Yuck It's Me" on opening night as part of the Midsumma Festival. So very thankful to have been given that opportunity. This is a play that will make you both cry and laugh and move you in all the ways in between. Jessie is a masterful writer and performer. Tix here.

Jessie Ngaio performing in her play “Oh Yuck It’s Me”, by Teague Leigh

Jessie Ngaio performing in her play “Oh Yuck It’s Me”, by Teague Leigh

Jessie Ngaio performing in her play “Oh Yuck It’s Me”, by Teague Leigh

Still so much to do, but that will be in February's post!

I almost forgot the fall and how I see the Goddess as she keeps me grounded, despite my achievements. Two days after the Gala, @littleElfman tested positive for Covid. The gallery subsequently locked me out from attending and speaking about my exhibition, despite me consistently testing negative for Covid and never having Covid - ever.

Whilst angry at my treatment, setbacks like this keep me humble. The Gala has people talking about my intent and my vision for the world - this is the success I was after, but the Goddess sending me these hurdles keeps me from getting an inflated ego and I am thankful to be shown my place in the natural order of life. I am but one link in the cosmic chain of change. To be truly successful, we all must be united and experience equity, including all those nations and individuals suffering from ongoing genocide, oppression, murder, and destructive colonial and capitalist rule.

This blogs question: How do you celebrate your wins, whilst also maintaining humility?

Keep finding your peace and joy within and with others.

Be kind to yourselves, each other, and the planet.

T.Leigh

Happiness Is…

*trigger warning: mention of violence

Hello friends, I bring you tidings and good news this blog post, which is a pleasant change from the previous. December can be a mixed bag of emotions if you are part of the rainbow community, with large numbers of us estranged from family (not to mention the violence).

For me, this December started off with a visit to South Australia/ Kaurna country to visit my ma and aunt and were able to sneak in some time with my cousin and his family and reconnect with them. I am pleased to report that my ma is doing surprisingly well after her fall and month-long stay in hospital from knee-replacement surgery and subsequent complications. This is a huge relief to me. She also surprised me by not referring to my past self in the feminine; listened to me speak about Palestine and the other atrocities happening across the globe and in our own country; and never uttered the phrase “I’m not racist, but…”. I waited for these things to occur and am still pleasantly in shock that she seems to have changed her ways for the better.

Whilst in town, we also made time for friendly catch ups, and I was able to get to the Karrawirra Parri to photograph it for sunset.

View from the pedestrian bridge over the Karrawirra Parra, South Australia

You’ll have to excuse the mobile phone picture; I have stopped editing photos to concentrate on my upcoming Gala Exhibition Opening (more on that later).

In fact, my last photography adventure with my support worker was on the 7th of December to Point Leo, lands of the Bunurong people. All the images are on my hard drive, screaming at me to make joyous, however I have no time. Here’s a behind-the-scenes mobile image that I didn’t take with my camera.

Point Leo Beach, Victoria

On the 9th of December I had the pleasure of photographing the annual Carols by Queerlight celebration by the Melbourne Rainbow Band. As this was for a client, I can show you one of the images I produced of the night.

The featured singers performing with the Melbourne Rainbow Band, St Kilda Town Hall

Mainly what I worked on in December was my Gala and trying to acquire funding through the Australian Cultural Fund project. I have happy to say that with your generous support, I reached just over halfway to my target finances. Whilst this is amazing news, it does mean that I will be spending all my new waterproof camera savings to finance the rest.

Unfortunately, that means no camera upgrade for me until possibly after Midsumma (February). This is a shame, considering I am an official Midsumma photographer and wanted the upgrade to produce better work and do less post-editing to make up for the lack of quality of my current camera.

Therefore, if you know of anyone who loves art and photography, who would like to be a financial benefactor to a queer, neurodivergent, disabled trans man, let them know I am in need. To be completely transparent, here is what I am requiring, with the camera body the most urgent, then the lenses. As I am upgrading from what is called a “crop sensor” to a “full frame” camera, most of the lenses that I have will unfortunately also need to be replaced eventually.

Screenshot of the equipment I require from the cccwarehouse website.

I have also been working on my health – putting back all the naps, listening to my body, and I finally received my nerve root injection at the C4/5 vertebrae (in the top of the neck), and it seems to have actually worked which means the arthritic pain has substantially subsided.

Then I went to Yass/land of the Ngunnawal & Wiradjuri peoples, to visit my sister and her three amazing children. The oldest is 17, the youngest 9, and they are dealing with the fact that their father is an abusive douche. Their father reminds me of my own father and fortunately I was able to let them know that it gets better and that the emotions they are experiencing now, can be healed. I am so immensely proud of them all, especially my sister and despite hearing of the abuses she suffered, which were triggering for me to hear due to my own past, we were able to love each other’s company and I hope she will love herself enough in the future to embrace her own healing. Five days with my family is never enough.

The good news is that my Gala Exhibition Opening is ready to go for the 25th of January at the Victorian Artists Society. Being their first queer, trans solo artist is immensely humbling, so I want this Gala to be sensational – you can help with that by attending and supporting the amazing artists who will be performing on the night. Absolutely free, including drinks and finger food. On my home page you will find links to the event and artworks. I will also be linking venue and event accessibility in the coming days.

My question for you this month: How much do you want this world to change? United we can make a difference.

Be kind to yourselves, each other, and the planet.

T.Leigh.

Official Image for The Reclamation of Terra gala exhibition/opening at Victorian Artists Society, East Melbourne, opening 6pm 25th January 2024. Image by Teague Leigh

The Resistance is a Full-Time Job

Hello my friends,

This month’s post is later than usual as I am still suffering from post viral fatigue syndrome after having a nasty virus for two weeks from the 19th of November. The brain fog and lethargy are real!

I keep forgetting (or fooling myself?), about my disabilities and that I can no longer do all of the things. Yet, I am currently still unable to get through the day without several rest periods, so the work leading up to my gala exhibition opening continues to snowball; photography editing piles up on my SD cards; and the daily detritus of life is building a nest and is looking like it’s going to permanently stick around.

My counsellor suggested that I am mourning my former self. I think there is something in that, even after 10 years. Perhaps I am grieving for the abilities I once had when pushing myself to achieve unhealthy benchmarks of success. Societies narrative is that you must keep working and getting better, so I guess I convince myself that I’m “not that disabled” & slip into ableist oversight.

Even though I am better now at scheduling in naps throughout the week, I am not used to resting, to allowing myself that luxury (even the word “luxury” implies rest is laziness). I am not as patient with myself as I would like, and I compare myself to “successful” disabled people within my immediate (and further afield) circles and ask myself “why aren’t I doing more?” All the while knowing that “success” is a predominantly capitalist construct pertaining to material wealth and not, more importantly, spiritual, and emotional wealth.

Nor are the goals I set for myself healthy, or particularly achievable. This high benchmark is a ghost I set for myself when I was young and doing all the sport, before even, when I was running events, and long before I acquired disabilities. They were unachievable back then; they are a pipedream now and need to be retired for the sake of my health and longevity.

My counsellor suggested that others might look at me in the same way and ask themselves why they aren’t doing more things. This gave me pause. I have been indoctrinated with societies narrative for over 40yrs years. There's still so much to unpack and do-over without the burden of having to “be better, recover from illness/injury/disability, work more”.

So, now I am at a point where I need to intrinsically listen to my body and ignore the piles of stuff building up around me. I have scheduled and rescheduled my schedule multiple times to rest whilst still trying to do the “bare minimum” of work that I have set for myself, but now I must start delegating to the friends I have around me whose “can I help” questions are often brushed aside.

Having said all that, I have been busy! The resistance is a full-time job. The sculptural piece "Tidal", one part of my "The Reclamation of Terra" exhibition was showing at the Counihan Gallery in Merri-bek here in Naarm as part of their annual Summer Show.

More good news in the month of November - I received a small fund of $2,500 through Midsumma's partnership with Treasury Wine Estates. I looked up TWE's environmental impact before accepting this funding, as the wine industry is notoriously nefarious when it comes to its green practices, however, after reading up on TWE's sustainability practices, I liked what I saw. They also have an international LGBTQIA+ group encouraging diversity, as well as a group invested in supporting more women in the industry. So, I am happy to say that Treasury Wine Estates are supporting my gala exhibition opening in January.

For Trans Awareness Week I recorded a little something for Joy 94.9fm. 

I attended several films and caught up with so many neglected friends during the Melbourne Queer Film Festival.

My Arts Access Victoria class, Artstop, have been working on a video projection "Prism" for months and it was projected on the walls of a Sydney Rd, Brunswick building all month, although, disappointingly, there were some technical glitches, so the word out on the Bulleke-bek street is they are going to reschedule it early 2024 (on a Tuesday night – watch this space for updates).

Then, on the 16th of November, Michael & I travelled north to the lands of the Ngarrindjeri Nation and the Ladji Ladji peoples of what colonisers call the Murray Mallee Region.

Michael was promoting their new anthology "Everything Under the Moon" (which you must buy for yourself and everyone in your life because it is a spectacularly designed and illustrated hardback with some of the World's best young adult authors within), and I tagged along to take some photos. It’s on backorder with Hares & Hyenas but ask your local book seller if they have it or can order it in for you!

On the 28th of November, Midsumma launched their jam-packed festival program. I watched the live stream at home, and colour me surprised when I saw my listing up on the big screen and the marvellous Midsumma CEO, Karen Bryant, talking about it alongside the remarkable Jessie Ngaio (who’s show I have been booked to photograph – can’t wait)!

With the launch, the embargo was lifted so I could officially talk about my Australian Cultural Fund project and try and appeal to some lovely (wealthy) philanthropists. With blessings to some lovely humans, I have raised $2,310 through the project, which means I am still at least $190 short to pay my stellar artists their minimum salary, but we're almost at 50% of the major target, so I'm really excited and massively thankful.

I know you have all donated significantly to this gala exhibition already - you're amazing and have blessed me so much, however, if you could share the link with your networks, I would be most thankful. The project ends on the 30th of December. The ACF takes no fees, and no matter what I raise, I get to keep the funds for my gala – the gala WILL BE GOING AHEAD. Plus, gifts over $2 are tax deductible! If you have not yet gifted me, please consider a $10 donation.

Despite being largely bed-ridden and having to give up tickets to many events so far this month, December is busy (hmmm, didn’t I just say I was going to listen to my body and rest more…)! Look out for my next blog post around this time next month, which will only be days away from the gala launch!!!

I hope life is being magical to you all and that you live with good mental, physical and spiritual health, whatever that looks and feels like to you.

The question for this blog post: How much wood, would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? (It’s not nearly an irrelevant question as it would first appear)

T.Leigh.

Tom Nethersole Performing at Shepparton Carnival as part of Out In The Open Festival 2023. Image by Teague Leigh

Together we get sht done.

After the hectic night that was my debut solo exhibition launch on the 7th of September at SOL Gallery, with support from Pride Foundation Australia, I have taken a couple of days off, hence why this post is a few days past the original schedule (and if you read my blog posts, you know how much I love my schedule!).

SOL has advised that over 500 people attended the gallery over the nine days, and together with seeing so many new faces there, plus the amount of people who have been discussing my series “The Reclamation of Terra” on socials, I consider this to be a huge success and am super grateful. My series needs people. It needs your passion as much as it needs mine, so I am thankful you see the work that I have put in, the heart that is in every palette stroke, and the desire to unify community and heal the planet.

A lot of people have raved about the Acknowledgement of Country that my dear friend and MC Bayley Turner made on the 7th, so I have added it here. You have also remarked that my speech was full of passion and action, and I know it has prodded a few of your inspiration buttons (consensually, of course). You will find that here. You can also see/hear the speech on my YouTube channel. For audio descriptions of all the pieces, including the Look Book, please head to my Soundcloud.

So, what is next for me and for this series? Those of you who have bought a painting or inquired about pieces know that certain pieces will be touring and that there will be a gala exhibition opening in January 2024. Whilst the details are under wraps whilst the Midsumma embargo remains, I can tell you that the night will champion rainbow performers, highlighting the great strength of the LGBTQIA+SB community.

However, to bring my vision to actuation, I need community and ally support. If you or your business (or you know a business who) is passionate about a sustainable planet and about community unity, then please support this project via my Australian Cultural Fund fundraising page. This absolutely includes allies. Whilst the might of the rainbow movement is fierce, we cannot do this without the support of our allies. No amount is too small, and certainly, no amount is too large!

I have incredible performers from many nationalities representing a cross-section of our diverse community lined up and I want to pay them what they are worth. I would like Auslan interpreters, all written material interpreted into Braille, and official Welcome to Country, all so that this gala can be as accessible and open to everyone as possible.

Due to the heritage listed status of the Victorian Artists Society, frames and hanging materials need to be purchased. Because I believe all art should be attainable and reasonably priced, my pieces are valued accordingly, however, I will also be professionally printing each landscape photograph as a limited run of eleven at A2 size on 310gsm rag to offer an even more affordable option to own a piece of this important series. The fabulous Thirds Fine Art Printing in Brunswick have generously agreed to offer sponsorship, however as they are a small independent local business, there is still a sum to pay for their amazing service and time.

I have an amazing event photographer and videographer lined up to capture the spectacle and they both must be paid their worth too. The event photographer recently worked for the Melbourne International Film Festival, and the videographer, who will be interviewing attendees on the night (with your permission of course), has recently worked for the Indian Film Festival.

Because I am nearing my fifties, I am of a mindset that you cannot have a gala without food and beverages. I will be approaching dal Catering in Geelong to supply the catering as they train students with disabilities in the hospitality industry so that they are employable after completing school, an amazing ethos. Because of how sensational they are, I will not be asking for a discount on supplies. Whilst I am all about the hustle and have been talking behind the scenes to Victorian beverage companies, I am still to lock in a sponsorship, so must raise funds for a proper “knees-up”.

Let me make this perfectly clear: I am not paying myself for this project, unless I obtain a large grant, and only once I have paid everyone what they are worth. I am extremely passionate about this project and its aims that I am even putting my own savings into this gala. My belief is that the bigger I can make this gala, the more people will talk about it, therefore the more people will come and see and read what it is I am trying to achieve. Please help me reach my target because we all need this. We all need a sustainable planet. We all need community.

My question(s) for this blog is this: what price are you willing to pay to save the world? At what cost are you being silent? Will you be a leader and join me on this journey?

Image credit: Bhavin Mettanant, @rindexfinger

T.Leigh

Teague Leigh at his debut solo exhibition, Sol Gallery in Fitzroy, 7th of September, 2023. Image credit by Bhavin Mettanant, @rindexfinger

And So It Goes: When you ignore the warning signs.

I wrote in my last post that with the lead up to my debut solo exhibition @ Sol Gallery (see my events page for more details), my sleep, had become an existential exercise in futility.

My body had been sending me alarms for months, which I had spoken with my counsellor about, but had done naught else to remedy the situation. At the end of the blog, I asked “Am I following the right path for long-term sustainability?” The short answer, dear readers, is “No!”

I was brought up by a military man, the first (and only) of his family who went to University. He thought this was the pinnacle - that you worked hard and achieved greatness - of life. He drove this home to me most weeks, whether it be in my academic endeavours, or my many sporting achievements. When I quit competitive sport in my teens, I was lying when I said, “it was too competitive, I was no longer in love with it”. The reality was, I didn’t want to run (soccer, softball, and cricket - and basketball, would you believe?!) because my chest was growing quite large and moving “inappropriately”. This was the deep-seated body dysmorphia I am still recovering from, even 13 years after chest surgery. When I quit, my father saw it as a failure. That I wasn’t trying enough, that the whole point to life was to be competitive. “Head down, bum up.” How often did he say this phrase to me? How ingrained it is within me still. Then the on-set of Capitalist 90’s hit, and, well, we all know how that is turning out.

On the other side there is my ma. A strong woman with many flaws. After she divorced my abusive father her social anxieties and self-loathing (that I argue were caused by my father) increased little by little and literally fed her to the point where she can barely move, and now falls constantly when she does. She lives in a rough part of the Northern suburbs an hour out of Adelaide and rarely leaves her house due to the sickening insults the neighbourhood teens heap on her. This is probably also why she refuses to use her mobility aids. I see her and do not want to be her. I drive myself to work out often with my support team, eat clean as often as possible, and constantly monitor for signs I’m “doing it wrong”.

So, working myself into the ground is an endemic coding deep within my DNA. I have asked my counsellor how one, with such an upbringing, stops working/giving at 110%? Ten years ago, when my body and mind literally broke directly caused due to the stresses of overworking and a very large insurance company who did little to help, I vowed I would slow down. For a long time, I did.

Little by little, however, I forget I have these acquired disabilities that need to be nurtured and my body must be listened to when it speaks up. My body is (and probably always has been) quite vocal when it needs extra assistance. I have tried, in the past ten years, to find the work/life balance I plead to all my friends to find. I think currently, I am failing. I am not alone.

The more I immerse myself within the art community, the more stories I hear of artists burning out - before they are 30 - or in their first five years of being in the industry. This is because the hustle is real. You hustle to have a voice. Then if you have a voice, you hustle to keep it; to grow it; constantly hustling. We hustle today, because tomorrow we are not guaranteed an income (and creating art is actually more expensive than you would think!).

If there was a minimum wage for artists, as the Greens Party here in Australia have weakly floated a few times, then yes, we would still be poor - but we could allow ourselves more easily to occasionally take breaks. Those of us living with disability would more often than not, stop of our own accord, before our bodies forced us to stop!

Needless to say, I have been laid up in bed with exhaustion and flu for ten days. My schedule has been rearranged, then rearranged some more as I try and keep hustling. Yesterday I masked up and took my artworks to the gallery for installation. Today I am off to my GP for a necessary health check as my body falls apart some more. I tell myself that I must be better for Thursday, so I force myself to rest, but still struggle to sleep.

Human beings are complicated. Human beings with disability, more so, particularly when those disabilities are largely invisible and can be oft times ignored. Whilst I am sure I have long shed my internalised ableism; I still must contend with and unlearn my conditioned work hard coding. I need to remind myself that stopping for an hour to play a computer game (I only play Civilisation VI, for those who want to know, maybe occasionally Wii monopoly or Wii sports – yes, I still have and use a Wii), is not a failure. Stopping is a success. Stopping IS a success. Stopping is a SUCCESS. Stopping is a success because it will increase both my longevity and my happiness. Just STOP!

At the end of every blog, I ask a question. This time I am not going to. This time I am simply going to submit the blog and go back to bed until I must go to my GP appointment. Rest well folx, and for the love of all things holy – S.T.O.P.

T.Leigh

Official flyer to Teague Leigh’s debut solo exhibition “The Reclamation of Terra”, proudly supported by Pride Foundation Australia, at Sol Gallery, Thursday 7th September @ 6pm. On the left is a canvas painted in hues of textured acrylic paint. In the middle is a landscape photograph of a yellow sand dune with one lonely tree to the left side and deep blue sky above. This central image is repeated in collage underneath in three chopped up lines. Above the central image are the colours of the progressive pride flag in wavy lines leading to the top left corner. On the right of the flyer it is black with the details of the exhibition.

Once More Unto The Breach: How to keep going in the face of adversity.

Adversity is my mortal foe. Yes, I live with depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, an acquired cognitive disability, chronic pain from arthritis, and autism, but they are all exacerbated by the stress of life's many adversities.

 In the lead up to my debut solo exhibition @ Sol Gallery (see my events page for more details), my sleep, which is bad at the best of times, has become so appalling that in the rare occasions I do sleep, I am bombarded with dreams that never stop moving and are filled themselves with anxiety and time-sensitive decision-making; they are exhausting; I wake up exhausted. Often, however, I do not sleep. Sure, my eyes might be closed, but there is no rest to be had.

 It is more than just the September exhibition. I am planning an exhibition gala in January and in order to pay for just the accessibility alone, not to mention paying for the gallery, entertainment, drinks and food, I am having to spend upwards of ten hours on multiple grants per month, none of which I am guaranteed to receive. The stress of being poor, of eating right, of buying all my medications, of fitting in appointments, my fitness regime, and my regular schedule, on top of creating a voice I think is worthy of being heard in the art world for a cause I believe worthy of fighting for, is immense.

 On Friday night, two songs into watching amazing New Zealand singer Bic Runga live in concert, I found out my ma had yet another serious fall (she has been suffering from falls for many years due to her [juvenile] arthritis and medical obesity). I spent the rest of the concert on the phone to my beloved aunt who lives not too far from my ma in the Northern Suburbs of Adelaide; and then on the phone to my sister (who is also going through her own trials now). My mother remains in hospital and will be for the foreseeable future as they remove her reconstructed (now smashed) knee and put in a new one. She is being looked after, but the stress of knowing that at any stage she could fall again once she is discharged is a huge weight to bare.

 I have been telling people for the past ten years, since acquiring my disabilities from working in a stressful job I loathed, that balance in life is crucial to maintaining a happy and healthy life. Yet here I am, working harder than I have even before my mind and body broke. Yes, I am a lot happier now and doing art is a passion, I would not do anything else. However, I am failing to see the balance right now, and that must change, or I know that no matter how many pills I take, my mental illness, the disabilities, the pain, will become so much worse than what they currently are, and currently they are bad.

 Science and medicine have proven the correlation between the increase of pain in the body with the increase of stresses in a person’s life. Due to unchecked stress, I can be sitting amongst friends, or attending a workshop, and by the end of an hour (or not even) I can be in immeasurable amounts of pain. Yet when I lift heavy weights and do Pilates with my Exercise Physiologist, the pain remains at a manageable level because my stress is being actively managed.

 Since my multiple diagnoses I have learnt to look at the silver lining, to not catastrophise and think of worse case scenarios, so I am not dire, but I do have to be conscious of asking for more help from family and my networks. I do have to lay in bed to “nap” in a dark room with my earplugs in for 45 minutes, even if my brain doesn’t switch off. Sensory depravation is a core element to maintaining good health for me because I have tried numerous times to meditate in various styles, but it just doesn't work. Removing sensory noise is the only way I find relaxation at these times of high stress and adversity. Oh yes, walks in nature reset my wonky equilibrium, and I feel exuberantly blessed in those moments, but often, I have my camera with me with the direct purpose of working. Sensory deprivation is my only downtime of late.

 Before I was diagnosed as living with autism, I masked in the face of the gaslighting world around me. I ran charities and was involved with running queer social events. They would inevitably leave me bedridden for weeks at a time as I recovered from the stress of “putting my head down and my bum up”, as my father always preached to me. You always keep moving forward and never ever give up. I now know that motto to be extremely unhealthy and unhelpful.

 But my title is how to keep going in the face of adversity. We tend to think of motion, of never stopping, when we think of “keep going” or “Just keep swimming” as Dory said in Finding Nemo. Like Dory, my memory is not so good, and like Dory, I do like to think positively, but sometimes you must stop, find your bearings, and ask for directions and help from others. Whilst it may seem like you are standing still, or even having to go backwards, this is what moving forwards is truly about. Learning when to lie down for a nap, even when your brain will not shut off. Learning to handball tasks to loved ones, or strangers, in order to get a moment. Learning to listen to yourself and what your body and mind need. Due to my brand of autism, this last one is perhaps the hardest of all. Recognising my emotions, my emotional state, and then knowing how best to care for myself, has taken years to learn the basics of.

 What I am trying hard not to do in the face of all this adversity, it to quit. Though I have lived through some dark times where I have literally hit a brick wall, quitting, ultimately, has never been in my nature. Now, that is not to say that stopping a project is the same as quitting, it most definitely is not. Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do for yourself, especially when you live with disabilities, is place the project down and walk away. Whether that be for an hour, a day, a year. Walking away is not quitting. Walking away is giving you the opportunity to stop at the cross-roads, assess your health and your needs and either continue with the project as is but with more supports in place, or change the nature of the project itself.

 So, I continue to work with my amazing counsellor and other fabulous humans in my support network to ascertain how best to keep going despite life’s many adversities. I embrace the dark room, but not the potential darkness of the situation. I keep going, even if that means I am in bed with my eyes shut.

 In my second blog I asked if this level of work was sustainable. Now I ask: Am I following the right path for long-term sustainability? Follow my blog to find out.

T.Leigh

Official flyer to Teague Leigh’s debut solo exhibition “The Reclamation of Terra”, proudly supported by Pride Foundation Australia, at Sol Gallery, Thursday 7th September @ 6pm. On the left is a canvas painted in hues of textured acrylic paint. In the middle is a landscape photograph of a yellow sand dune with one lonely tree to the left side and deep blue sky above. This central image is repeated in collage underneath in three chopped up lines. Above the central image are the colours of the progressive pride flag in wavy lines leading to the top left corner. On the right of the flyer it is black with the details of the exhibition.

Is Routine Achievable?

When I first talked to my mentor, award winning photographer Luke David, about writing a blog post on my website, the intention was to post fortnightly after I had edited that fortnight’s photography adventure with my support worker. We discussed that the act of writing a routine blog post would increase traffic to my website, so I am not paying hundreds of dollars for nothing!

However, as autistically structured as I need my world to be, life often has other plans. My three-year-old laptop is reaching its end of days. There are grant applications to be written for deadline. My artwork for my solo show in September needed to be completed. And so it goes. The good news is, all of this (apart from the laptop constantly breaking down), can all be scheduled into my daily calendar. I use the very helpful android app aCalendar+ to write down everything I need to do for the week, month, and year; and I do mean everything. From getting dressed or showering, to eating meals, to taking meds, to events, and work that needs doing, it all goes into the “puttanesca” of life. Not only is every task in there, but it is all colour coded. Some have seen my schedule and exclaimed that it is an eye-sore, that it is too much, but it is what works for me.

That is the key to today’s message and will quite often repeat throughout my blog posts – you must find what works for you! Yes, take onboard what others have suggested, but discard that which doesn’t personally work, or tweak things for a better fit. One size definitely does NOT fit all; we are not automatons; we are individuals who all have unique needs and challenges.

After I was diagnosed with autism 10 years ago and took off my mask that I had worn all my life due to gaslighting (a mask I sometimes put back on due to habit), and was dealing with a cognitive disability that had me wondering around supermarkets for two hours at a time in an anxious fog when only requiring half-a-dozen items, the increased need for scheduling my day and needs became vital. The schizophrenia that I was diagnosed with at the same time as my autism diagnosis caused me to see every speck of dust as a crawling bug or flying insect and before my treatment plan kicked in, I would lose hours staring at the particles trying to determine if they were moving closer towards me.

Whilst I was no longer working and not nearly as busy as I am today, I still didn’t want to get to the end of my day having sat on the couch all day, staring at what wasn’t there. So, I started writing post it notes and leaving them around the house. This evolved into writing lists that I could physically tick off each day. This practice then turned digital, using my phone calendar, which then led me to use the awesome aCalendar+.

Today, when I need to pick up a couple of grocery items, I have forgotten in my regular Click n Collect shop, I write the event into my schedule, creating a detailed list of everything I need. I will often, if I have the time, go onto the supermarket’s app/website, and write down which aisle the item is in. For me this saves a lot of time and anxiety and gets me out of the hellhole quicker! Basically, the more information I can put into each item of my schedule the better it will be for my mental wellbeing.

Doing what works for you will not always be as linear, or as successful, and that’s ok. Be patient with yourself through the trial-and-error stage. Love yourself and give yourself time.

Will I continue to be the Master of my schedule? Follow my blog to find out.

T.Leigh

Screenshot of my day in aCalendar+ with each line item in a different colour. The day is full of a lot of items!

Harder Than Expected: Balancing expectations with limitations

Since my initial blog post, my intention was to write once a month, at the very least. However, it seems that working for yourself as an artist is a full-time hustle and I have not worked this hard since I was fired from my corporate job ten years ago due to my acquired disabilities making it impossible for me to work in an office environment.

Don’t get me wrong, with that job I was working 8am - 6pm, then immediately working on the charity I was running until midnight most days. This new form of working is not as intense, nor do I hate the work that I am doing. Art is a salvation in my life, and I am blessed to be practising it and that my disabilities do not limit my ambition.

However, whoever came up with the concept that all artists do all day is sit in cafes and people watch/dream, was a right naff tool. That idea couldn’t be further from the truth. I nap less now than I would like; napping being an important part of my weekly well-being routine.

So what have I been doing with my time if not napping, blogging, or sitting around in cafe’s? Since 7th June, I have: attended workshops for artists, run by the Merri-bek council; met Caity Lotz at Oz Comic-Con (ok, so I can’t be working all the time!); entered photography awards; applied for gallery space for my January exhibition; been interviewed for another photographers trans photography project; sat with a CBD treatment specialist and subsequently started a trial for pain management; attended art galleries; continued with fortnightly photography adventures with my support worker; edited those images; fought with my laptop/whispered sweet nothings to her to coax her to work whilst she constantly and consistently crashes; worked for The Emerging Writer’s Festival, photographing their closing night event, celebrating 20 years; fighting with the landlord over the condition of the apartment building (she owns the whole thing) and a water bill three times higher than normal that we were sure was due to a building leak she refused to attend to; locked in a gallery space for January; attended an ecological-meets-science-meets-art panel discussion featuring Yin Paradies and Ecological Gyre Theory organised by Green Bee; wrote a couple of grant applications; had my second essay in Archer published online; submitted my application for a Midsumma 2024 event; applied to a couple of group exhibitions; exhibited a piece from my current series at a group show; hopped back onto instagram for the first time in two years to promote my passions; submitted documents to Sol Gallery for the upcoming September exhibition; watched Electric Fields soar alongside the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra at Hamer Hall; watched Midsumma Pathways alumni, most of whom were my 2022-23 cohort, smash it out of the park at Midsummica - so talented!; write the audio descriptions for all my artwork because accessibility is key; and finally, I completed my series: The Reclamation of Terra! Phew!

Six weeks with nary a nap in sight. I’m wondering how sustainable this level of work is for me now. With my cognitive disability it takes me thrice as long to read and comprehend anything, which means responding to emails, reading/writing grants, and researching tech-speak to try and fix my failing laptop is an onerous chore that eats into my creativity time. Not to mention my poor sleep has eroded even more with the everything of logistics swirling about my head ‘til the wee hours of the morning.

So no, my blogging may not, going forward, be consistent, but I can assure you, it will be quality. My expectations of what I can achieve have been tempered by what my ability can allow. After a lifetime of being gas-lit, of having everyone’s expectations dictating to me what I should and shouldn’t be doing with my time, I am still negotiating with myself what exactly my limitations are. I am still coming to terms with loving this refurbished version of myself. I am having to stop and look at the above list and say, “Well done Teague, you accomplished so much!” Because my expectations had been a massive pile-on that in the end wasn’t feasible, but what was accomplished was a heroic effort.

Is this sustainable? I’m still unsure. I have always had a strong work ethic and a blinkered focus. To not give 110% every day is exasperating. However, I will keep working with my counsellor and the rest of my support team, family, and friends. I will continue to live unmasked and ask myself whether the hurdle in front of me is manageable today, or can it be postponed for a week or two?

I have deadlines now, many deadlines, my health is regretfully failing as I draw nearer to my 50’s, these two things are not necessarily harmonious, but I am determined to find cohesion and balance and consciously live with joy each and every day. I have limited social media to an hour per day, my phone blocks it after that, so that is one less stress to worry about. I am asking more of the people around me, letting them know that I cannot actually do it all myself. I am saying “no” and loving myself for that. When you have acquired invisible disabilities, it is often difficult to see yourself through a lens not of societies creation. People will often look at me when I tell them I am disabled and you can see their brains ticking away, trying to trace your disability, seeing whether they approve of its origin or not. I initially struggled to not judge myself the same way. Now, however, I can say I am strong, I can say I am an amazing human. I can give myself the lenience and the love required to live my life on my terms.

Is this period of frenzied work sustainable? Follow my blog to find out.

T.Leigh

Official flyer to Teague Leigh’s debut solo exhibition “The Reclamation of Terra”, proudly supported by Pride Foundation Australia, at Sol Gallery, Thursday 7th September @ 6pm. On the left is a canvas painted in hues of textured acrylic paint. In the middle is a landscape photograph of a yellow sand dune with one lonely tree to the left side and deep blue sky above. This central image is repeated in collage underneath in three chopped up lines. Above the central image are the colours of the progressive pride flag in wavy lines leading to the top left corner. On the right of the flyer it is black with the details of the exhibition.

Here I Am

Over ten years ago, reaching the end of my 30’s, I was diagnosed with autism and multiple acquired disabilities. The diagnoses were both a weight lifted from my shoulders and a confusing mixture of fear, self-loathing, and self-questioning.

I had always been creative, focusing in my late teens and adulthood on my writing practice. I wrote erotic queer prose, poetry, and short stories. I celebrated female sexuality, championing the notion that females should never be silenced over their needs and wants. I performed in clubs and pubs around Canberra, Australia, as well as queer festivals and events across Australia. Sometimes I performed to as many as 400 people. I have been published multiple times in several anthologies. All in my dead name or a nom-de-plume.

I use the term “dead name” because in my early 30’s, in 2003, whilst studying gender theory as part of my second degree focusing on English and History at the Australian National University, I discovered the “trans” section in one of the campus libraries whilst writing an essay dissecting the gender binary. I read more than was necessary for my assignment. I read that the feelings I hadn’t been able to understand when I was a child, and the feelings I brushed away as stupidity as a teen, were real. I was a transgendered man, assigned female at birth.

This was another awakening in my life. Probably a happier one than discovering I had been gas-lit all my life whilst living/struggling with autism. My acquired disabilities have greatly diminished the ability for me to read, comprehend, and write. I didn’t know what to do with my life. I had always been creative, but if I couldn’t continue to write, how could I outlay that creative passion?

Decades earlier, when I was around 16, I did a photography course through school, then in my early 20’s I studied dark room practices. Harking back to those days more and more the answer became obvious to me - I would buy a cheap refurbished camera off eBay and let the images speak for me - say the words I now found so difficult to recall.

I have been photographing landscapes, primarily, each fortnight with the wonderful support worker I found as part of my NDIS funding, for some years now. We go out into nature. Even before being diagnosed with autism, I have always found nature to be my balm. I live in an Inner North suburb of Naarm and it is busy. Billboards, cars, cyclists, pub-goers, screaming babies, barking dogs, the list goes on. Noise. Visual and aural noise. It has always added to the stress of my daily life. Nature is the quiet that calms my nerves and provides me with soothing equilibrium.

Over the last couple of years I have been thinking about my queerness. I am both trans masc. and bisexual. I have been thinking of my rainbow community, wanting to champion our voices through my art, like I did with my writing. But how does one queer up landscape photography? In 2022 this nagging voice was particularly strong and in June of that year I developed an idea. A couple of months later I joined a nearby art class through Arts Access Victoria, applied for the Midsumma Pathways mentorship program, and applied for the Yarra Sculpture Gallery Summer Residency for 2022/23.

Surprisingly (to me), I was awarded with both the mentorship and the residency and began nurturing my idea into a fully-fledged reality of mixed media and acrylic canvases utilising my landscape images, as well as creating a sculptural element, and working on a companion video. These pieces form the series “The Reclamation of Terra”, a call to arms to the LGBTQIA+SB community and their allies to rise in unity to reverse the drastic climate change happening globally. What good is fighting for equality, if we have no planet on which to live?

I am very pleased to say I have secured Sol Gallery in Naarm to hold my debut solo exhibition opening on the 7th of September, 2023. It is with great excitement that I also announce that the event is supported by Pride Foundation Australia. So, after 10 long years somewhat in the wilderness, I have emerged with clear intent. A clear direction. A clear voice. Here I Am.

Hope to see you on opening night.

T.Leigh

Unofficial invite to Teague Leigh’s debut solo exhibition “The Reclamation of Terra”, proudly supported by Pride Foundation Australia, at Sol Gallery, Thursday 7th September @ 6pm. Teague stands with his sculpture at the recent Artstop group exhibition held at Schoolhouse Studios, 11th May, 2023.

Teague Leigh.