Grief is still a constant friend, but life grinds on.

There was no blog last month due to the sudden unexpected passing of my ma. My ma was my best friend, and I shared everything with her, so now to be going on adventures, stretching myself as a human being, and going through so many things, it is hard not to want to share them with her at every opportunity. There is a large gap in my life now that nothing will be able to replace (and believe me – alcohol isn’t a solution).

August has been another tough month of grief looming large in my system. I developed restless leg syndrome (RLS). Previously, my fidgeting has been contained to my fingers, having fidgety legs is another level of hell they do not tell you about. I get the zoomies (an uncontrollable need to move around sporadically). Luckily my desk is a standing desk, and I can crank my music up and dance whilst I work. The night-time pain though is another matter. My GP has prescribed me drugs to combat the RLS pain when I need it, which is actually helping.

Hopefully my brain will slow soon, and I can establish a new normal. A dear friend told me not to pursue my old baseline, that was forever lost to me through the grief of losing a beloved mother. This has helped me be gentle to myself in my recovery and I’ve allowed myself to sit in the pain longer than I would have otherwise. Oft times people think that autistic people are emotionless or blocked off to emotion. Neither is true.

My motivation has fluctuated, hence this post being late, but that is not to say that I have not done any photography. My work with Arts Access Victoria (AAV) has continued but for a couple of weeks my heart was not in it, and my nature adventures were initially not the balm I was searching for, which left me flailing with despondency. However, I have found the pleasure in nature once more and hopefully this shines through in the images I have for you today.

I could post about July now, however, for the sake of expediency, I am only giving you the month of August. Posting about July gives me sorrow I am still at odds with, so shall shelve that month. Even now, writing about August feels pointless, but I love you, so I want to share with you.

So, August: I finally bought filters for my new wide angle lens so that I can take long exposures with it now. My first trip with my support worker was to Lake Elizabeth, in the Otways NP. The walk from the campground took me longer to walk than expected so we just settled near the lake and hoped for platypus sightings (we were unsuccessful).

Lake Elizabeth. Image by Teague Leigh

Then Michael & I took off to Portarlington on a creative work trip. There I photographed sunset at the famous old jetty grommets at Clifton Springs.

Clifton Springs old jetty. Image by Teague Leigh.

 Then backed it up for sunrise at Point Lonsdale Lighthouse and jetty. Neither shoots really popped, but as a photographer of nature, I’m used to working with the elements.

Point Lonsdale Lighthouse. Image by Teague Leigh.

 I have registered with disability adventure group Out Doors Inc, an organisation that helps adults get out into nature, and August was my first day trip to Mount Macedon & Lake Sanitorium (where I have been a couple of times before). It was a great day, cooking stew on the campfire and getting to know everyone whilst also fitting in a short walk around the lake. This sort of social interaction is mentally exhausting, but it is exactly what I am looking for to help me grow my social circle, and how better to do it than surrounded by nature?

Mount Macedon. Image by Teague Leigh.

 Next up, my support worker and I travelled to Dog Rocks, in Batesford. This was a first for my support worker, but it was my second time. Again, the sunset didn’t really pop, but the rocks themselves (and that tree), hold magic.

Dog Rocks. Image by Teague Leigh.

 On August 26th I popped into my local tattoo parlour, which my dear friend, Lee Stain, owns and they gave me a memorial tattoo. The saying is Irish Gaelic, meaning “My Family Forever”. It mirrors the one my mother had on her arm. The flower is a carnation - my ma’s favourite flower, despite it being so overlooked, and the Triskele represents, amongst many other things, The Mother – a deeply Pagan symbol. As you can see, Lee did an absolute perfect job of such a meaningful piece of art. I highly recommend them at Inktricate, on Lygon Street, in Brunswick East for all your inking needs – they are also a lovely soul and phenomenal artist (painting and drawing).

Image by Teague Leigh.

 That’s it for now, but September is jam-packed (already), so keep coming back to read what is going on in my world and please continue to tell people about my work. Through word of mouth and community support I have bought all but one lens I need to further my career; without your help I would not have been able to purchase these tools.

Be kind to yourselves, each other, and the planet.

T.Leigh.