A Crisis of Ability

October started out of the gates with a frenzy (if you pardon the racing terminology). Michael drove us to Canberra for their large family get together (about 30 of us, all immediate family) to celebrate their parents 50th wedding anniversary. Whilst I’ve been married, I consider that an anomaly as I do not believe in marriage. However, to see two people working hard to stay together for so long and genuinely love each other after such a large amount of time does impress me. I realised something a few months ago about my identity – I am likely greyromantic, which means I am not inherently romantic all of the time. I have yet to determine whether that is part of my autism, or a personality trait. Heaven help Michael!

October 5th, we ventured to Floriade, Canberra’s free open flower festival. Here in Naarm you would have to pay for such a privilege, so it’s always a busy festival for Canberra which of course leads to sensorial overload. Cocktails were called for whilst we waited for the rest of the family to explore the grounds, go on rides, and generally enjoy the atmosphere. I am getting better at wearing my Loops in public to help with the overload, but I forgot them on this day.

Flowers at Floriade. Image by Teague Leigh.

The following day, on the 6th, we walked around Black Mountain where the wildflowers were abundant and Michael’s mother, who is a keen flower spotter, saw several orchids.

Wild orchid at Black Mountain. Image by Teague Leigh.

Then we visited the abandoned Telstra Tower. Having spent a sporadic 15yrs of my life in Canberra, I remember the tower in its heyday when it was a tourist destination, now it is rundown and a tourist attraction of the notorious kind. It’s fenced off but not really patrolled, so you can walk up to it and take photos. I was disappointed to see it in its state of decay – I had talked it up to the family – though it does make for moody images. I have a mind to edit my images into black and white, to give them a moodier tone.

Telstra Tower. Image by Teague Leigh.

Back in Naarm I worked for the Victorian Pride Centre again, this time for their TiPS program, only to be told they were going in a different direction due to a “miscommunication” in what they were after with the images. This was devastating and a crisis of faith in myself ensued.

TiPS participants. Image by Teague Leigh.

I’m still not sure of my expertise, despite working at the Centre before for different clients and having my work loved. This was the first time a client had not liked my wares, and I was shook for a number of weeks as a consequence. Thanks to my mentor, award-winning Luke David (who has also photographed for the Centre), I was able to overcome my dark thoughts eventually. It has left me changing the way I accept clients forthwith, however, making sure the client knows what they want from me in the brief prior to accepting a contract, as well as making sure they know my style of work, so I am not negotiating terms and explaining photography concepts during. I am also going to stand up for myself more fervently from now on.

On the 13th I took on another indoor client, whilst still having a crisis of conscience. “Baliti” was performed by the exceptional dancer, Ricardo Magno, who I had photographed the previous month for the hero image of the performance as part of the Melbourne Fringe Festival. Fortunately, this client liked my work.

Ricardo Magno in “Baliti”. Image by Teague Leigh

Then on the 27th I tagged along with Michael to Queenscliff for a writer’s festival they were appearing on a panel at. Whilst they were on the panel, I walked around the gorgeous town of Queenscliff and took shots of architecture and nature – my happy place. I know that nature is my balm, but it always surprises me just how much I get out of it, how much nature provides me. It charges my batteries exponentially and a lot of the suffering I am going through seems to evaporate.

Queenscliff pier. Image by Teague Leigh.

On the second last day of the month, I went with my support worker (my only trip with him this month) to Leanganook Camping area to walk around the breathtaking Mount Alexander Regional Park. It is a bush flower paradise. Walking around the scrub, we also detoured to Dog Rocks, Faraday, which were incredibly large boulders towering on top of each other on top of a mountain. I love me some rocks and the views were also outstanding. Again, walking around in the scrub for 2.5hrs, was a city detox and washed me of any lingering doubts about my abilities and cleansed me of the sights and sounds associated with city living.

Dog Rocks. Image by Teague Leigh.

For sunset we were going to walk up to Lang’s Lookout but weren’t really sure of how to get there once we were in the area and thus stumbled upon an old, abandoned quarry as the sun was setting across the pit.

Abandoned quarry. Image by Teague Leigh.

So, October was a tough one, but here I am, a survivor.

Remember to tell your friends to donate over on my Ko-Fi page so they too can follow along for behind the scenes and dedicated content.

October question: What have you survived? Was it depression? A poisoned working environment? An abusive partner? Bad news?

Be kind to yourselves, each other, and the planet.

T.Leigh

Busy Does Not Make The Body Stronger

At last chat with my GP, we discussed me possibly having Restless Leg Syndrome brought on by the trauma of suddenly losing my ma. However, I am due for another appointment on Monday as something turned up in my bloods. I am hoping this will bring relief to the chronic pain I've been suffering for the past two months.

Despite the trauma and the grief and the pain I have been busy, as is my subconscious want.

Firstly, in the month of September, I participated in my first overnight trip with Out Doors Inc. We travelled to Lake Eppelock, where we canoed to an island, made a collective lunch, then paddled around the lake before heading to our accommodation in Axedale.

Lake Eppalock. Image by Teague Leigh.

The next day we journeyed to the Pink Cliffs, which are quite otherworldly, then went for a longer-than-expected hike to Devil's Cave (which was underwhelming, but the hike was great)!

The Pink Ciffs. Image by Teague Leigh.

I'm liking the Out Doors Inc adventures - it's getting me out of the house into nature, I get to bring my camera, and there is a lot of group activity so I'm working on my social skills (the bane of my life).

Straight away after that I journeyed to Benalla and Winton Wetlands and for once, the Wetlands lived up to their name with plentiful water for the first time I've ever seen in the 5 or so years I've been going.

Cat Graf by David Lee Pereira. Image by Teague Leigh.

Winton Wetlands. Image by Teague Leigh.

Mid-month Michael and I went to Tassie for their work, and I like to tac on a few extra days for photography.

Launceston architecture. Image by Teague Leigh.

We saw many a sight, but the weather this trip did not want to play nice with us. At the Tamar Wetlands, however, we did see a sea eagle, which was a first for me. We also drove past a magnificently large wedge-tailed eagle eating a carcass on the side of the road (not pictured).

Tamar Islands Wetlands. Image by Teague Leigh.

Fortunately, though we'd missed the epic floods that shut much of the island down for a couple of weeks.

This is not Eddystone Lighthouse, but on location. Image by Teague Leigh.

I finally got to photograph some of Binalong Bay, but the weather really didn't want to play nice which meant we witnessed a rainbow underneath a fiery sky. So, it wasn’t all bad.

Binalong Bay. Image by Teague Leigh.

We also managed to get briefly to Freycinet National Park, where we actually had nice weather for once.

The Gardens. Image by Teague Leigh.

The highlight of the trip for me was a soggy detour to little known Mount Paris Dam Wall. A disused dam that is truly an architectural masterpiece being taken back by nature.

Mount Paris Damn Wall. Image by Teague Leigh.

Towards the end of the month now, and I had the pleasure of photographing Ricardo Magno under a beautiful Moreton Bay Fig at Albert Park Lake. Ricardo is a beautiful dancer of Filipino heritage and engaged me to create the hero image for his Melbourne Fringe Show "Baliti", and take some social media content for him. This was the first time I had taken portraiture for pay, and I am so fortunate Ricardo allowed me to take these unconventional images.

Ricardo Magno. Image by Teague Leigh.

The rest of the month was filled with friend catch-ups, cancelled appointments due to pain, and lots of Arts Access Victoria curatorial work (which is coming along nicely). I know it is an October event, but please get along to it if you can. I am so incredibly proud of and excited for the 18-25yr old's who are in this exhibition. They are sharing very personal insights into their disabilities through the theme of "Through Space and Time".

My question to you this month is: Do you switch off at all? If not, why not? What, or who, is stopping you?

Be kind to yourselves, each other, and the planet.

T.Leigh.

Grief is still a constant friend, but life grinds on.

There was no blog last month due to the sudden unexpected passing of my ma. My ma was my best friend, and I shared everything with her, so now to be going on adventures, stretching myself as a human being, and going through so many things, it is hard not to want to share them with her at every opportunity. There is a large gap in my life now that nothing will be able to replace (and believe me – alcohol isn’t a solution).

August has been another tough month of grief looming large in my system. I developed restless leg syndrome (RLS). Previously, my fidgeting has been contained to my fingers, having fidgety legs is another level of hell they do not tell you about. I get the zoomies (an uncontrollable need to move around sporadically). Luckily my desk is a standing desk, and I can crank my music up and dance whilst I work. The night-time pain though is another matter. My GP has prescribed me drugs to combat the RLS pain when I need it, which is actually helping.

Hopefully my brain will slow soon, and I can establish a new normal. A dear friend told me not to pursue my old baseline, that was forever lost to me through the grief of losing a beloved mother. This has helped me be gentle to myself in my recovery and I’ve allowed myself to sit in the pain longer than I would have otherwise. Oft times people think that autistic people are emotionless or blocked off to emotion. Neither is true.

My motivation has fluctuated, hence this post being late, but that is not to say that I have not done any photography. My work with Arts Access Victoria (AAV) has continued but for a couple of weeks my heart was not in it, and my nature adventures were initially not the balm I was searching for, which left me flailing with despondency. However, I have found the pleasure in nature once more and hopefully this shines through in the images I have for you today.

I could post about July now, however, for the sake of expediency, I am only giving you the month of August. Posting about July gives me sorrow I am still at odds with, so shall shelve that month. Even now, writing about August feels pointless, but I love you, so I want to share with you.

So, August: I finally bought filters for my new wide angle lens so that I can take long exposures with it now. My first trip with my support worker was to Lake Elizabeth, in the Otways NP. The walk from the campground took me longer to walk than expected so we just settled near the lake and hoped for platypus sightings (we were unsuccessful).

Lake Elizabeth. Image by Teague Leigh

Then Michael & I took off to Portarlington on a creative work trip. There I photographed sunset at the famous old jetty grommets at Clifton Springs.

Clifton Springs old jetty. Image by Teague Leigh.

 Then backed it up for sunrise at Point Lonsdale Lighthouse and jetty. Neither shoots really popped, but as a photographer of nature, I’m used to working with the elements.

Point Lonsdale Lighthouse. Image by Teague Leigh.

 I have registered with disability adventure group Out Doors Inc, an organisation that helps adults get out into nature, and August was my first day trip to Mount Macedon & Lake Sanitorium (where I have been a couple of times before). It was a great day, cooking stew on the campfire and getting to know everyone whilst also fitting in a short walk around the lake. This sort of social interaction is mentally exhausting, but it is exactly what I am looking for to help me grow my social circle, and how better to do it than surrounded by nature?

Mount Macedon. Image by Teague Leigh.

 Next up, my support worker and I travelled to Dog Rocks, in Batesford. This was a first for my support worker, but it was my second time. Again, the sunset didn’t really pop, but the rocks themselves (and that tree), hold magic.

Dog Rocks. Image by Teague Leigh.

 On August 26th I popped into my local tattoo parlour, which my dear friend, Lee Stain, owns and they gave me a memorial tattoo. The saying is Irish Gaelic, meaning “My Family Forever”. It mirrors the one my mother had on her arm. The flower is a carnation - my ma’s favourite flower, despite it being so overlooked, and the Triskele represents, amongst many other things, The Mother – a deeply Pagan symbol. As you can see, Lee did an absolute perfect job of such a meaningful piece of art. I highly recommend them at Inktricate, on Lygon Street, in Brunswick East for all your inking needs – they are also a lovely soul and phenomenal artist (painting and drawing).

Image by Teague Leigh.

 That’s it for now, but September is jam-packed (already), so keep coming back to read what is going on in my world and please continue to tell people about my work. Through word of mouth and community support I have bought all but one lens I need to further my career; without your help I would not have been able to purchase these tools.

Be kind to yourselves, each other, and the planet.

T.Leigh.

Relatively subdued, but not by choice

June was relatively subdued, but not by choice. My support worker had poor health and then so did his car, meaning it will need to be sold to a wreckers or the like, so travelling was waylaid.

However, I did get to spend a week on Gadigal Country for the Vivid Festival.

Firstly was the sensational Dark Spectrum. After attending the best concert of my life by electronic dance music duo Underworld (most known with their hit Born Slippy in the film "Trainspotting"), this was a glorious continuation of lights and beats.

One of the rooms of Dark Spectrum in the underground tunnels of Wynyard. Image by Teague Leigh

Then walked around and photographed an amazing sunset from near Mrs Macquarie's Chair and played with long exposures of up to 10 minutes. The point gives a great view of both the Harbour Bridge and the Opera House and during Vivid Festival, once Mother Nature’s lights go off, the Festival lights turn on.

Vivid Festival light trails as seen from Mrs Macquarie's Chair, Gadigal. Image by Teague Leigh.

Then I walked to The Rocks and photographed the Vivid installations.

Vivid Festival light installation. Image by Teague Leigh.

All up I did a staggering 21kms of walking. Needless to say, after hardcore EDM dancing for 3 hours (a transcendental experience) the night before, I broke. I crashed into bed and couldn't move for 12 hours, not even for the bathroom! I had to miss my intended concert (Electric Fields at Carriageworks) the following night to let my body gather spoons. Even ten years after my diagnosis of acquired disabilities, I am still learning how many spoons each action will remove from my wares. This calculation is not linear either. Variables, such as the type of crowd (rowdy hooligans, verses appreciative guests, etc), the weather, what I have done prior, and so much more, all factor into the loss of spoons. I’m still forgetting that I cannot do all of the things. Now, however, I am being kind to myself when I make these errors in judgments and try to rest as soon as I’ve realised where my levels of pain and fatigue are at.

Eventually, on the 3rd of June, I was able to leave my hotel room again to ferry over to Cremorne Point to photograph Robertsons Point Lighthouse (which I think is underrated as far as engineering structures go), before photographing a lack-lustre sunset, but still loving the city lights across the water.

Gadigal Country. Image by Teague Leigh.

I was able to do a "mild" walk of 11kms whilst photographing more Vivid installations such as the below at The Goods Line, after I had walked around Barangaroo, Darling Harbour, and Tumbalong Park.

Fire Kitchen at The Goods Line. Image by Teague Leigh

Back in Naarm I didn't get out on an adventure until the 12th June, where we went to Bellbird Picnic Area and walked the Flying Fox Trail. Since it was winter, we weren't expecting to see many, however, the sight of so many astounded us and can only boggle at how many we would see during the September birthing season.

Flying Foxes, Naarm. Image by Teague Leigh

It was a quick 2hr walk as I had to get back for Michael's new anthology launch for Avast! (pirate stories by trans and gender diverse authors). However, we did make it to the Fairfield Pipe Bridge and Wurundjeri Spur Lookout.

June wasn't boring, by any means. My big news that I hinted at last blog was me securing a job with Arts Access Victoria as their youth program, Maker Space, exhibition curator! I will be guiding the youths (18-25 yrs old - at my age I'm calling them youths) towards a group exhibition on the 31st October at Library at the Docks, which is monumental and a great privilege.

Plus my old mentor, award-winning photographer Luke David, keeps sending work my way. I managed to photograph Switchboard's launch with Yarra Trams on the 25th June, where they celebrated with Drag Storytime with Frock Hudson, it was glorious.

Frock Hudson onboard a Yarra Tram. Image by Teague Leigh.

 The lack of adventure meant I could edit these camera images, but even though I cleaned my wide angle lens every time I used it, it was still a chore post-edit! Seems I still need to figure out how to get the most out of the new lens. Professional photographers do not always get it right, so do not be so hard on yourself when you are just starting out. Welp, sometimes I even leave the lens caps on!

So many dust spots. (Mobile phone image by Teague Leigh).

There ended the adventures, due to the aforementioned troubles, but let me tell you, July is much busier, so keep coming back and tell all your friends to come check out what I’m about. I'm still saving for lenses and a filter system for my wide angle lens, so even $5 a month is going to help me achieve my goals of capturing Country and gift the healing power of nature.

Question for this blog: Have you calculated what it takes to deplete all your spoons?

Be kind to yourselves, each other, and the planet.

T.Leigh.

Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff

The start of this month I started off concentrating on editing the backlog (which I am now stressing less about in order to focus on my health, which means all of these images are again from my phone) and hanging with friends. The first photography trip wasn’t until the 10th of April, which was to watch Puffing Billy (the old steam train that winds its way through the forested mountains of the region) pull into Belgrave station. This required all my patience as a multitude of passengers poured from the locomotive to walk or stand directly in front of me as I was taking photos.

After this shamble (I was also disappointed that it wasn’t billowing steam as it came into the station, the way it does along some parts of the track), my support worker and I drove to Sherbrooke Forest. This was a lesson for my support worker who had been telling me the fortnight earlier his hate for leeches. During one segment of this 2.5hr walk he was inundated with well over a dozen baby leeches whilst I remained unscathed. We now pack salt on our adventures! For some reason I was placed in charge of the map and being extremely Irish when it comes to directions, we ended up getting lost and tacking on an extra hour to our walk. However, it wasn’t a complete failure of a trip.

Sherbrooke is a gorgeous pocket of Victoria, only 90mins from Naarm. Sherbrooke Falls themselves are nothing to write home about, but the river walk is exquisite. We also had the added bonus of seeing a very angry crayfish – a Eustacus Woiwurru (Central Highland Spiny Crayfish). These unique and very aggressive crays make their burrows in the ground and can be found near freshwater. In Victoria they are becoming harder to find, so I registered the sighting on the iNaturalist app – which I highly recommend as it is a powerful tool in the fight for conservation. It’s cousin up in Queensland is on the endangered list.

The menacing Eustacus Woiwurru (a screenshot from my laptop)

With no rest for the wicked, Michael and I flew to Lutruwita on Friday and spent Saturday driving from Longford (near Launceston) to Somerset (near Burnie). Saturday we went chasing waterfalls: Liffey Falls, Upper Preston Falls, and Delaney’s Falls. Between Liffey and Preston, we took the time to walk to Tulampanga Lookout and I am so glad we did. I now urge everyone to visit this lookout to give perspective over how insignificant humans actually are in the grand scheme of things. You can feel the ancient call of these cliffs, the area being a sacred women’s space for the local First Nations people – the Pallittorree.

The inspiring view from Tulampanga Lookout (mobile phone image by T.Leigh)

Whilst I did not get attacked by leeches when out with my support worker on the Wednesday, I did find one on me after Upper Preston Falls but because I had learnt from my support workers experience, I deliberately wore knee high white socks on the trek. I know white socks are the last colour you want to be wearing whilst getting dirty, but I was able to see the black leech immediately and flick it off me with a nearby twig. Win!

Sunday was an early start at Fern Glade Platypus Reserve. This is a nice, easy walk and we had the place to ourselves until we were about to finish up our breakfast at a picnic table near the river. We had not seen any platypus whilst walking, but as we were finishing up breakfast, I noticed two women concentrating on the water down by the river’s edge, so I tiptoed across the gravel path to stand at the viewing platform nearby and lo’ – there was indeed a real wild platypus swimming and diving for an early breakfast itself – my first time seeing a platypus in the wild! Such a phenomenal way to start the day.

Next, we drove to Upper Cam Falls. Reviews on Google Maps are mixed about the difficulty of finding the falls. Let me tell you – it is very, very easy to find. Whilst it is not signposted, and there is only a goat track down to the falls, it is a very simple five minute walk (although I do not think I would like to do it in the wet). The effort is worth it. These falls, this little pocket of nature, is magical. It feels like the best kept secret – so pristine and perfect. I could have literally stayed there for hours; however, I was wary of leeches so didn’t sit on any damp logs, plus we had a schedule to keep.

The mystical Upper Cam Falls (mobile phone image by T.Leigh)

Our next stop was Hellyer Gorge. It is a little walk near a river that is pretty with plenty of different types of fungi and mushrooms (that I like to think are faerie houses/villages, so I do not approve of foraging – plus Irish tales of p!ssed off faeries are scary – you do not want to anger a faerie!). This is a nice area, but I would not go out of my way to see it.

For sunset, after lunch and a nap, we headed to Tioxide Beach. It wasn’t what I was expecting (which were rockpools that I wanted for foreground material with the golden hour colours in the background), it was an adventure with driftwood and dead cut logs everywhere. Tioxide Beach is near Burnie, which is proud about its ongoing commercial logging industry, so I’m not sure how many of these logs have fallen off of the back of trucks, or how many of them have washed up from other areas. The deadwood is interesting to photograph, but as a Pagan, it hurts to see the felling of so many trees and the wastage of the industry.

Tioxide Beach at the end of the day (mobile phone image by T.Leigh)

Monday is a workday, so it was lots of driving to shops on the way to Nipaluna. Whilst Michael was at their appointment in Pataway/Burnie I headed to the beach and some rocks leading into the water. Such a fun time, especially getting the camera ready and chasing after birds so they would lift off en-masse. Then we had some time before the Launceston appointment, on the lands of the Kanamaluka People, so we spent a couple of hours around dozens of juvenile peacocks strutting about Cataract Gorge. Even for a Monday, this area was teeming with people. I would like to spend a day here doing all of the walks, but we just walked across the Alexandra Suspension Bridge and back and then around the Basin.

I truly loved this area, and we will definitely spend more time here in the future, however, with the mountains and trees everywhere juxtaposed with the large area of manicured park grass and Olympic sized swimming pool, it made me think about what we do to the land for the sake of commercial tourism. Surely this area speaks for itself and doesn’t need the gaudiness of these two colonist structures to bring people here (& I’m deliberately ignoring the horrendous chair lift).

Alexandra Suspension Bridge at Cataract Gorge (mobile phone image by T.Leigh)

Tuesday morning, whilst Michael was in appointments, I photographed around Salamanca and up to Battery Point (where I had never explored before). I also did a spot of street photography, which is not my natural go to, so I really admire professional street photographers and their craft.

Hobarts street art (mobile phone image by T.Leigh)

Due to circumstances, that was the last photography adventure for the month. However, I did train up to Ballarat for an afternoon to check out the sublime Nan Goldin exhibition. Previously stating I admire street photographers; I also greatly admire those who can capture humans. Nan Goldin is an absolute ace at this genre of photography. Having recently seen her documentary “All the Beauty and the Bloodshed”, I was looking forward to seeing this exhibition and the level of talent is exceptional. Fortunately, the National Gallery of Australia has purchased the entire exhibition, so hopefully generations of Australians can experience this significant work for decades to come.

Now that I am no longer stressed about getting all of my editing done immediately and the flow-on effect of that decision, I am not nearly as stressed as I have been getting. I have been putting a lot more time into positive energy and it feels like that is paying off, to the point that I may have exciting news for you in my next blog post (watch this space - subscribe to email/rss notifications).

Be kind to yourselves, each other, and the planet.

T.Leigh