Health is a fragile thing in my world. Not only do I live with disabilities, but I am surrounded by people who live with disabilities and health issues. At the end of April my support worker was diagnosed with cancer and had to have immediate surgery at the start of May. This meant that they were out of action for two months whilst they recovered. My sister’s partner was also diagnosed with cancer around the same time and has since had surgery and is undergoing treatment to combat the spread. My aunt has also had surgery to remove cancer.

Like a locomotive, the months picked up steam

After a busy start to the year, my plans died down somewhat in March with only one photography adventure, but what an adventure it was.

January and February are always busy months for work, and this year was no exception. On the 17th of January I was given the honour of shooting the rehearsal images for Ben MacEllen’s new play The Placeholder. Funny, sharp, and deeply human, The Placeholder explores how feminism, friendship, and chosen family collide – and how love is tested when those closest to us change in ways we never expected. I originally met Ben in 2022 through the Midsumma Pathways mentorship for artists with disabilities and we’ve been mates since. Ben is a phenomenal writer and if The Placeholder ever comes to a town near you, please go see it.

Life has been quiet over the last two months. I cracked a tooth and eventually, due to pain, had to get it removed. Luckily, I was able to crack into my savings to pay for both the endodontist and the extraction.

September started quietly with flu and a visit from my brother, whom I hadn’t seen for about ten years as he had been living in the UK. I was nervous to have him stay as we had only spoken over zoom as a group with my sister whilst our ma was in hospital dying. The time before that was a few Christmases’ past where he had been drunk and deadnaming me and misgendering me. However, the visit was well received, and we had lots to talk about and share. Having a parent pass sobers you and apparently my brother has been abstemious for some time, so he seems to have matured a lot (he’s seven years younger than me).

They say start as you intend to go on, and I had every intention of starting this blog post in January on time. Alas, the overwhelm was real with all of the events I’m about to talk about. I found myself sliding into old territory of not getting out of bed/showering/napping even more than usual around the editing of events.

As I said, this was a less busy month than what I have experienced in the past. I’m not mad about it. In fact, it was exactly what was called for in my hectic life. I need to practice slowing down. My daily rests are a great start, but they are the tip of the iceberg of sorting out a comfortable living. I grew up with the “head down, bum up” mentality of the working class British, and as a British, my father taught me not to complain about it. I have been working on this. Whilst I do not complain out loud to others, I certainly have stern words with myself these days and ask myself whether or not working so hard is a value add to my life. I’m trying to practice the art of not giving a fck, but decades of poor life skills have made it a hard lesson to learn. Once again, I leave you with this – be kind to yourself, on both the easy days and the hard days. Take nothing for granted.

Michael drove us to Canberra for their large family get together (about 30 of us, all immediate family) to celebrate their parents 50th wedding anniversary. Whilst I’ve been married, I consider that an anomaly as I do not believe in marriage. However, to see two people working hard to stay together for so long and genuinely love each other after such a large amount of time does impress me. I realised something a few months ago about my identity

My belief is that the bigger I can make this gala, the more people will talk about it, therefore the more people will come and see and read what it is I am trying to achieve. Please help me reach my target because we all need this. We all need a sustainable planet. We all need community.

My question(s) for this blog is this: what price are you willing to pay to save the world? At what cost are you being silent? Will you be a leader and join me on this journey?

My body had been sending me alarms for months, which I had spoken with my counsellor about, but had done naught else to remedy the situation. At the end of the blog, I asked “Am I following the right path for long-term sustainability?” The short answer, dear readers, is “No!”

Image Description: B&W image of a large single rock out in the sea. As this is a long exposure both the light sky and slightly darker sea are smooth and free from most distractions. On the rock are white birds.