A Crisis of Ability

October started out of the gates with a frenzy (if you pardon the racing terminology). Michael drove us to Canberra for their large family get together (about 30 of us, all immediate family) to celebrate their parents 50th wedding anniversary. Whilst I’ve been married, I consider that an anomaly as I do not believe in marriage. However, to see two people working hard to stay together for so long and genuinely love each other after such a large amount of time does impress me. I realised something a few months ago about my identity – I am likely greyromantic, which means I am not inherently romantic all of the time. I have yet to determine whether that is part of my autism, or a personality trait. Heaven help Michael!

October 5th, we ventured to Floriade, Canberra’s free open flower festival. Here in Naarm you would have to pay for such a privilege, so it’s always a busy festival for Canberra which of course leads to sensorial overload. Cocktails were called for whilst we waited for the rest of the family to explore the grounds, go on rides, and generally enjoy the atmosphere. I am getting better at wearing my Loops in public to help with the overload, but I forgot them on this day.

Flowers at Floriade. Image by Teague Leigh.

The following day, on the 6th, we walked around Black Mountain where the wildflowers were abundant and Michael’s mother, who is a keen flower spotter, saw several orchids.

Wild orchid at Black Mountain. Image by Teague Leigh.

Then we visited the abandoned Telstra Tower. Having spent a sporadic 15yrs of my life in Canberra, I remember the tower in its heyday when it was a tourist destination, now it is rundown and a tourist attraction of the notorious kind. It’s fenced off but not really patrolled, so you can walk up to it and take photos. I was disappointed to see it in its state of decay – I had talked it up to the family – though it does make for moody images. I have a mind to edit my images into black and white, to give them a moodier tone.

Telstra Tower. Image by Teague Leigh.

Back in Naarm I worked for the Victorian Pride Centre again, this time for their TiPS program, only to be told they were going in a different direction due to a “miscommunication” in what they were after with the images. This was devastating and a crisis of faith in myself ensued.

TiPS participants. Image by Teague Leigh.

I’m still not sure of my expertise, despite working at the Centre before for different clients and having my work loved. This was the first time a client had not liked my wares, and I was shook for a number of weeks as a consequence. Thanks to my mentor, award-winning Luke David (who has also photographed for the Centre), I was able to overcome my dark thoughts eventually. It has left me changing the way I accept clients forthwith, however, making sure the client knows what they want from me in the brief prior to accepting a contract, as well as making sure they know my style of work, so I am not negotiating terms and explaining photography concepts during. I am also going to stand up for myself more fervently from now on.

On the 13th I took on another indoor client, whilst still having a crisis of conscience. “Baliti” was performed by the exceptional dancer, Ricardo Magno, who I had photographed the previous month for the hero image of the performance as part of the Melbourne Fringe Festival. Fortunately, this client liked my work.

Ricardo Magno in “Baliti”. Image by Teague Leigh

Then on the 27th I tagged along with Michael to Queenscliff for a writer’s festival they were appearing on a panel at. Whilst they were on the panel, I walked around the gorgeous town of Queenscliff and took shots of architecture and nature – my happy place. I know that nature is my balm, but it always surprises me just how much I get out of it, how much nature provides me. It charges my batteries exponentially and a lot of the suffering I am going through seems to evaporate.

Queenscliff pier. Image by Teague Leigh.

On the second last day of the month, I went with my support worker (my only trip with him this month) to Leanganook Camping area to walk around the breathtaking Mount Alexander Regional Park. It is a bush flower paradise. Walking around the scrub, we also detoured to Dog Rocks, Faraday, which were incredibly large boulders towering on top of each other on top of a mountain. I love me some rocks and the views were also outstanding. Again, walking around in the scrub for 2.5hrs, was a city detox and washed me of any lingering doubts about my abilities and cleansed me of the sights and sounds associated with city living.

Dog Rocks. Image by Teague Leigh.

For sunset we were going to walk up to Lang’s Lookout but weren’t really sure of how to get there once we were in the area and thus stumbled upon an old, abandoned quarry as the sun was setting across the pit.

Abandoned quarry. Image by Teague Leigh.

So, October was a tough one, but here I am, a survivor.

Remember to tell your friends to donate over on my Ko-Fi page so they too can follow along for behind the scenes and dedicated content.

October question: What have you survived? Was it depression? A poisoned working environment? An abusive partner? Bad news?

Be kind to yourselves, each other, and the planet.

T.Leigh

Together we get sht done.

After the hectic night that was my debut solo exhibition launch on the 7th of September at SOL Gallery, with support from Pride Foundation Australia, I have taken a couple of days off, hence why this post is a few days past the original schedule (and if you read my blog posts, you know how much I love my schedule!).

SOL has advised that over 500 people attended the gallery over the nine days, and together with seeing so many new faces there, plus the amount of people who have been discussing my series “The Reclamation of Terra” on socials, I consider this to be a huge success and am super grateful. My series needs people. It needs your passion as much as it needs mine, so I am thankful you see the work that I have put in, the heart that is in every palette stroke, and the desire to unify community and heal the planet.

A lot of people have raved about the Acknowledgement of Country that my dear friend and MC Bayley Turner made on the 7th, so I have added it here. You have also remarked that my speech was full of passion and action, and I know it has prodded a few of your inspiration buttons (consensually, of course). You will find that here. You can also see/hear the speech on my YouTube channel. For audio descriptions of all the pieces, including the Look Book, please head to my Soundcloud.

So, what is next for me and for this series? Those of you who have bought a painting or inquired about pieces know that certain pieces will be touring and that there will be a gala exhibition opening in January 2024. Whilst the details are under wraps whilst the Midsumma embargo remains, I can tell you that the night will champion rainbow performers, highlighting the great strength of the LGBTQIA+SB community.

However, to bring my vision to actuation, I need community and ally support. If you or your business (or you know a business who) is passionate about a sustainable planet and about community unity, then please support this project via my Australian Cultural Fund fundraising page. This absolutely includes allies. Whilst the might of the rainbow movement is fierce, we cannot do this without the support of our allies. No amount is too small, and certainly, no amount is too large!

I have incredible performers from many nationalities representing a cross-section of our diverse community lined up and I want to pay them what they are worth. I would like Auslan interpreters, all written material interpreted into Braille, and official Welcome to Country, all so that this gala can be as accessible and open to everyone as possible.

Due to the heritage listed status of the Victorian Artists Society, frames and hanging materials need to be purchased. Because I believe all art should be attainable and reasonably priced, my pieces are valued accordingly, however, I will also be professionally printing each landscape photograph as a limited run of eleven at A2 size on 310gsm rag to offer an even more affordable option to own a piece of this important series. The fabulous Thirds Fine Art Printing in Brunswick have generously agreed to offer sponsorship, however as they are a small independent local business, there is still a sum to pay for their amazing service and time.

I have an amazing event photographer and videographer lined up to capture the spectacle and they both must be paid their worth too. The event photographer recently worked for the Melbourne International Film Festival, and the videographer, who will be interviewing attendees on the night (with your permission of course), has recently worked for the Indian Film Festival.

Because I am nearing my fifties, I am of a mindset that you cannot have a gala without food and beverages. I will be approaching dal Catering in Geelong to supply the catering as they train students with disabilities in the hospitality industry so that they are employable after completing school, an amazing ethos. Because of how sensational they are, I will not be asking for a discount on supplies. Whilst I am all about the hustle and have been talking behind the scenes to Victorian beverage companies, I am still to lock in a sponsorship, so must raise funds for a proper “knees-up”.

Let me make this perfectly clear: I am not paying myself for this project, unless I obtain a large grant, and only once I have paid everyone what they are worth. I am extremely passionate about this project and its aims that I am even putting my own savings into this gala. My belief is that the bigger I can make this gala, the more people will talk about it, therefore the more people will come and see and read what it is I am trying to achieve. Please help me reach my target because we all need this. We all need a sustainable planet. We all need community.

My question(s) for this blog is this: what price are you willing to pay to save the world? At what cost are you being silent? Will you be a leader and join me on this journey?

Image credit: Bhavin Mettanant, @rindexfinger

T.Leigh

Teague Leigh at his debut solo exhibition, Sol Gallery in Fitzroy, 7th of September, 2023. Image credit by Bhavin Mettanant, @rindexfinger

And So It Goes: When you ignore the warning signs.

I wrote in my last post that with the lead up to my debut solo exhibition @ Sol Gallery (see my events page for more details), my sleep, had become an existential exercise in futility.

My body had been sending me alarms for months, which I had spoken with my counsellor about, but had done naught else to remedy the situation. At the end of the blog, I asked “Am I following the right path for long-term sustainability?” The short answer, dear readers, is “No!”

I was brought up by a military man, the first (and only) of his family who went to University. He thought this was the pinnacle - that you worked hard and achieved greatness - of life. He drove this home to me most weeks, whether it be in my academic endeavours, or my many sporting achievements. When I quit competitive sport in my teens, I was lying when I said, “it was too competitive, I was no longer in love with it”. The reality was, I didn’t want to run (soccer, softball, and cricket - and basketball, would you believe?!) because my chest was growing quite large and moving “inappropriately”. This was the deep-seated body dysmorphia I am still recovering from, even 13 years after chest surgery. When I quit, my father saw it as a failure. That I wasn’t trying enough, that the whole point to life was to be competitive. “Head down, bum up.” How often did he say this phrase to me? How ingrained it is within me still. Then the on-set of Capitalist 90’s hit, and, well, we all know how that is turning out.

On the other side there is my ma. A strong woman with many flaws. After she divorced my abusive father her social anxieties and self-loathing (that I argue were caused by my father) increased little by little and literally fed her to the point where she can barely move, and now falls constantly when she does. She lives in a rough part of the Northern suburbs an hour out of Adelaide and rarely leaves her house due to the sickening insults the neighbourhood teens heap on her. This is probably also why she refuses to use her mobility aids. I see her and do not want to be her. I drive myself to work out often with my support team, eat clean as often as possible, and constantly monitor for signs I’m “doing it wrong”.

So, working myself into the ground is an endemic coding deep within my DNA. I have asked my counsellor how one, with such an upbringing, stops working/giving at 110%? Ten years ago, when my body and mind literally broke directly caused due to the stresses of overworking and a very large insurance company who did little to help, I vowed I would slow down. For a long time, I did.

Little by little, however, I forget I have these acquired disabilities that need to be nurtured and my body must be listened to when it speaks up. My body is (and probably always has been) quite vocal when it needs extra assistance. I have tried, in the past ten years, to find the work/life balance I plead to all my friends to find. I think currently, I am failing. I am not alone.

The more I immerse myself within the art community, the more stories I hear of artists burning out - before they are 30 - or in their first five years of being in the industry. This is because the hustle is real. You hustle to have a voice. Then if you have a voice, you hustle to keep it; to grow it; constantly hustling. We hustle today, because tomorrow we are not guaranteed an income (and creating art is actually more expensive than you would think!).

If there was a minimum wage for artists, as the Greens Party here in Australia have weakly floated a few times, then yes, we would still be poor - but we could allow ourselves more easily to occasionally take breaks. Those of us living with disability would more often than not, stop of our own accord, before our bodies forced us to stop!

Needless to say, I have been laid up in bed with exhaustion and flu for ten days. My schedule has been rearranged, then rearranged some more as I try and keep hustling. Yesterday I masked up and took my artworks to the gallery for installation. Today I am off to my GP for a necessary health check as my body falls apart some more. I tell myself that I must be better for Thursday, so I force myself to rest, but still struggle to sleep.

Human beings are complicated. Human beings with disability, more so, particularly when those disabilities are largely invisible and can be oft times ignored. Whilst I am sure I have long shed my internalised ableism; I still must contend with and unlearn my conditioned work hard coding. I need to remind myself that stopping for an hour to play a computer game (I only play Civilisation VI, for those who want to know, maybe occasionally Wii monopoly or Wii sports – yes, I still have and use a Wii), is not a failure. Stopping is a success. Stopping IS a success. Stopping is a SUCCESS. Stopping is a success because it will increase both my longevity and my happiness. Just STOP!

At the end of every blog, I ask a question. This time I am not going to. This time I am simply going to submit the blog and go back to bed until I must go to my GP appointment. Rest well folx, and for the love of all things holy – S.T.O.P.

T.Leigh

Official flyer to Teague Leigh’s debut solo exhibition “The Reclamation of Terra”, proudly supported by Pride Foundation Australia, at Sol Gallery, Thursday 7th September @ 6pm. On the left is a canvas painted in hues of textured acrylic paint. In the middle is a landscape photograph of a yellow sand dune with one lonely tree to the left side and deep blue sky above. This central image is repeated in collage underneath in three chopped up lines. Above the central image are the colours of the progressive pride flag in wavy lines leading to the top left corner. On the right of the flyer it is black with the details of the exhibition.