A Crisis of Ability

October started out of the gates with a frenzy (if you pardon the racing terminology). Michael drove us to Canberra for their large family get together (about 30 of us, all immediate family) to celebrate their parents 50th wedding anniversary. Whilst I’ve been married, I consider that an anomaly as I do not believe in marriage. However, to see two people working hard to stay together for so long and genuinely love each other after such a large amount of time does impress me. I realised something a few months ago about my identity – I am likely greyromantic, which means I am not inherently romantic all of the time. I have yet to determine whether that is part of my autism, or a personality trait. Heaven help Michael!

October 5th, we ventured to Floriade, Canberra’s free open flower festival. Here in Naarm you would have to pay for such a privilege, so it’s always a busy festival for Canberra which of course leads to sensorial overload. Cocktails were called for whilst we waited for the rest of the family to explore the grounds, go on rides, and generally enjoy the atmosphere. I am getting better at wearing my Loops in public to help with the overload, but I forgot them on this day.

Flowers at Floriade. Image by Teague Leigh.

The following day, on the 6th, we walked around Black Mountain where the wildflowers were abundant and Michael’s mother, who is a keen flower spotter, saw several orchids.

Wild orchid at Black Mountain. Image by Teague Leigh.

Then we visited the abandoned Telstra Tower. Having spent a sporadic 15yrs of my life in Canberra, I remember the tower in its heyday when it was a tourist destination, now it is rundown and a tourist attraction of the notorious kind. It’s fenced off but not really patrolled, so you can walk up to it and take photos. I was disappointed to see it in its state of decay – I had talked it up to the family – though it does make for moody images. I have a mind to edit my images into black and white, to give them a moodier tone.

Telstra Tower. Image by Teague Leigh.

Back in Naarm I worked for the Victorian Pride Centre again, this time for their TiPS program, only to be told they were going in a different direction due to a “miscommunication” in what they were after with the images. This was devastating and a crisis of faith in myself ensued.

TiPS participants. Image by Teague Leigh.

I’m still not sure of my expertise, despite working at the Centre before for different clients and having my work loved. This was the first time a client had not liked my wares, and I was shook for a number of weeks as a consequence. Thanks to my mentor, award-winning Luke David (who has also photographed for the Centre), I was able to overcome my dark thoughts eventually. It has left me changing the way I accept clients forthwith, however, making sure the client knows what they want from me in the brief prior to accepting a contract, as well as making sure they know my style of work, so I am not negotiating terms and explaining photography concepts during. I am also going to stand up for myself more fervently from now on.

On the 13th I took on another indoor client, whilst still having a crisis of conscience. “Baliti” was performed by the exceptional dancer, Ricardo Magno, who I had photographed the previous month for the hero image of the performance as part of the Melbourne Fringe Festival. Fortunately, this client liked my work.

Ricardo Magno in “Baliti”. Image by Teague Leigh

Then on the 27th I tagged along with Michael to Queenscliff for a writer’s festival they were appearing on a panel at. Whilst they were on the panel, I walked around the gorgeous town of Queenscliff and took shots of architecture and nature – my happy place. I know that nature is my balm, but it always surprises me just how much I get out of it, how much nature provides me. It charges my batteries exponentially and a lot of the suffering I am going through seems to evaporate.

Queenscliff pier. Image by Teague Leigh.

On the second last day of the month, I went with my support worker (my only trip with him this month) to Leanganook Camping area to walk around the breathtaking Mount Alexander Regional Park. It is a bush flower paradise. Walking around the scrub, we also detoured to Dog Rocks, Faraday, which were incredibly large boulders towering on top of each other on top of a mountain. I love me some rocks and the views were also outstanding. Again, walking around in the scrub for 2.5hrs, was a city detox and washed me of any lingering doubts about my abilities and cleansed me of the sights and sounds associated with city living.

Dog Rocks. Image by Teague Leigh.

For sunset we were going to walk up to Lang’s Lookout but weren’t really sure of how to get there once we were in the area and thus stumbled upon an old, abandoned quarry as the sun was setting across the pit.

Abandoned quarry. Image by Teague Leigh.

So, October was a tough one, but here I am, a survivor.

Remember to tell your friends to donate over on my Ko-Fi page so they too can follow along for behind the scenes and dedicated content.

October question: What have you survived? Was it depression? A poisoned working environment? An abusive partner? Bad news?

Be kind to yourselves, each other, and the planet.

T.Leigh

Busy Does Not Make The Body Stronger

At last chat with my GP, we discussed me possibly having Restless Leg Syndrome brought on by the trauma of suddenly losing my ma. However, I am due for another appointment on Monday as something turned up in my bloods. I am hoping this will bring relief to the chronic pain I've been suffering for the past two months.

Despite the trauma and the grief and the pain I have been busy, as is my subconscious want.

Firstly, in the month of September, I participated in my first overnight trip with Out Doors Inc. We travelled to Lake Eppelock, where we canoed to an island, made a collective lunch, then paddled around the lake before heading to our accommodation in Axedale.

Lake Eppalock. Image by Teague Leigh.

The next day we journeyed to the Pink Cliffs, which are quite otherworldly, then went for a longer-than-expected hike to Devil's Cave (which was underwhelming, but the hike was great)!

The Pink Ciffs. Image by Teague Leigh.

I'm liking the Out Doors Inc adventures - it's getting me out of the house into nature, I get to bring my camera, and there is a lot of group activity so I'm working on my social skills (the bane of my life).

Straight away after that I journeyed to Benalla and Winton Wetlands and for once, the Wetlands lived up to their name with plentiful water for the first time I've ever seen in the 5 or so years I've been going.

Cat Graf by David Lee Pereira. Image by Teague Leigh.

Winton Wetlands. Image by Teague Leigh.

Mid-month Michael and I went to Tassie for their work, and I like to tac on a few extra days for photography.

Launceston architecture. Image by Teague Leigh.

We saw many a sight, but the weather this trip did not want to play nice with us. At the Tamar Wetlands, however, we did see a sea eagle, which was a first for me. We also drove past a magnificently large wedge-tailed eagle eating a carcass on the side of the road (not pictured).

Tamar Islands Wetlands. Image by Teague Leigh.

Fortunately, though we'd missed the epic floods that shut much of the island down for a couple of weeks.

This is not Eddystone Lighthouse, but on location. Image by Teague Leigh.

I finally got to photograph some of Binalong Bay, but the weather really didn't want to play nice which meant we witnessed a rainbow underneath a fiery sky. So, it wasn’t all bad.

Binalong Bay. Image by Teague Leigh.

We also managed to get briefly to Freycinet National Park, where we actually had nice weather for once.

The Gardens. Image by Teague Leigh.

The highlight of the trip for me was a soggy detour to little known Mount Paris Dam Wall. A disused dam that is truly an architectural masterpiece being taken back by nature.

Mount Paris Damn Wall. Image by Teague Leigh.

Towards the end of the month now, and I had the pleasure of photographing Ricardo Magno under a beautiful Moreton Bay Fig at Albert Park Lake. Ricardo is a beautiful dancer of Filipino heritage and engaged me to create the hero image for his Melbourne Fringe Show "Baliti", and take some social media content for him. This was the first time I had taken portraiture for pay, and I am so fortunate Ricardo allowed me to take these unconventional images.

Ricardo Magno. Image by Teague Leigh.

The rest of the month was filled with friend catch-ups, cancelled appointments due to pain, and lots of Arts Access Victoria curatorial work (which is coming along nicely). I know it is an October event, but please get along to it if you can. I am so incredibly proud of and excited for the 18-25yr old's who are in this exhibition. They are sharing very personal insights into their disabilities through the theme of "Through Space and Time".

My question to you this month is: Do you switch off at all? If not, why not? What, or who, is stopping you?

Be kind to yourselves, each other, and the planet.

T.Leigh.

Grief is still a constant friend, but life grinds on.

There was no blog last month due to the sudden unexpected passing of my ma. My ma was my best friend, and I shared everything with her, so now to be going on adventures, stretching myself as a human being, and going through so many things, it is hard not to want to share them with her at every opportunity. There is a large gap in my life now that nothing will be able to replace (and believe me – alcohol isn’t a solution).

August has been another tough month of grief looming large in my system. I developed restless leg syndrome (RLS). Previously, my fidgeting has been contained to my fingers, having fidgety legs is another level of hell they do not tell you about. I get the zoomies (an uncontrollable need to move around sporadically). Luckily my desk is a standing desk, and I can crank my music up and dance whilst I work. The night-time pain though is another matter. My GP has prescribed me drugs to combat the RLS pain when I need it, which is actually helping.

Hopefully my brain will slow soon, and I can establish a new normal. A dear friend told me not to pursue my old baseline, that was forever lost to me through the grief of losing a beloved mother. This has helped me be gentle to myself in my recovery and I’ve allowed myself to sit in the pain longer than I would have otherwise. Oft times people think that autistic people are emotionless or blocked off to emotion. Neither is true.

My motivation has fluctuated, hence this post being late, but that is not to say that I have not done any photography. My work with Arts Access Victoria (AAV) has continued but for a couple of weeks my heart was not in it, and my nature adventures were initially not the balm I was searching for, which left me flailing with despondency. However, I have found the pleasure in nature once more and hopefully this shines through in the images I have for you today.

I could post about July now, however, for the sake of expediency, I am only giving you the month of August. Posting about July gives me sorrow I am still at odds with, so shall shelve that month. Even now, writing about August feels pointless, but I love you, so I want to share with you.

So, August: I finally bought filters for my new wide angle lens so that I can take long exposures with it now. My first trip with my support worker was to Lake Elizabeth, in the Otways NP. The walk from the campground took me longer to walk than expected so we just settled near the lake and hoped for platypus sightings (we were unsuccessful).

Lake Elizabeth. Image by Teague Leigh

Then Michael & I took off to Portarlington on a creative work trip. There I photographed sunset at the famous old jetty grommets at Clifton Springs.

Clifton Springs old jetty. Image by Teague Leigh.

 Then backed it up for sunrise at Point Lonsdale Lighthouse and jetty. Neither shoots really popped, but as a photographer of nature, I’m used to working with the elements.

Point Lonsdale Lighthouse. Image by Teague Leigh.

 I have registered with disability adventure group Out Doors Inc, an organisation that helps adults get out into nature, and August was my first day trip to Mount Macedon & Lake Sanitorium (where I have been a couple of times before). It was a great day, cooking stew on the campfire and getting to know everyone whilst also fitting in a short walk around the lake. This sort of social interaction is mentally exhausting, but it is exactly what I am looking for to help me grow my social circle, and how better to do it than surrounded by nature?

Mount Macedon. Image by Teague Leigh.

 Next up, my support worker and I travelled to Dog Rocks, in Batesford. This was a first for my support worker, but it was my second time. Again, the sunset didn’t really pop, but the rocks themselves (and that tree), hold magic.

Dog Rocks. Image by Teague Leigh.

 On August 26th I popped into my local tattoo parlour, which my dear friend, Lee Stain, owns and they gave me a memorial tattoo. The saying is Irish Gaelic, meaning “My Family Forever”. It mirrors the one my mother had on her arm. The flower is a carnation - my ma’s favourite flower, despite it being so overlooked, and the Triskele represents, amongst many other things, The Mother – a deeply Pagan symbol. As you can see, Lee did an absolute perfect job of such a meaningful piece of art. I highly recommend them at Inktricate, on Lygon Street, in Brunswick East for all your inking needs – they are also a lovely soul and phenomenal artist (painting and drawing).

Image by Teague Leigh.

 That’s it for now, but September is jam-packed (already), so keep coming back to read what is going on in my world and please continue to tell people about my work. Through word of mouth and community support I have bought all but one lens I need to further my career; without your help I would not have been able to purchase these tools.

Be kind to yourselves, each other, and the planet.

T.Leigh.